Apr 29, 2009

This, my friends, is what the Internet was invented for!

I feel kind of bad having to shove the Snuggie video down a notch, but this deserves immediate attention!

Late Line Special Report - Snuggies: Warm, Comfortable, Deadly?

This is funny as hell, a report on how the Snuggie can ruin your life. And I love the reporter dude talking in staccato bursts ala Shatner.

Apr 28, 2009

So long Liz

Those of you who know me on Facebook have read about my friend Liz getting killed recently. I have known her for a long time, we both have been working out at Ballys together forever, and she also has a daughter much like Skyler, with CP.

Liz was hit by a careless driver over the weekend and killed while she was riding her motorcycle. I am very worried about her daughter, because Liz's husband left Liz after not being able to deal with that life very well. There were other things involved in their breakup, but when I used to talk to her ex, it came up a lot.

So now her daughter will be living with her ex and his new wife full time. I really hope things have changed for the better.

Apr 26, 2009

Recent Snowstorm Walkies



Left to right, Yordi, Me, and our new girl Montana.



Yordi coming hard at me!



Yesterdays rainy day at Standley Res.

Apr 25, 2009

Power Outage During the Mammogram

From one of my friends, I know you ladies will appreciate this:

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear? I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science. Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door. 'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back..'Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.''You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store..

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said,'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...

Apr 23, 2009

Random De-Motivator Finds

As I have posted before, I am a big fan of despair.com, and they have a do it yourself link where you can make your own. There are also some other sites that have popped up that let you do the same thing, but I like to stay with the original (no, I don't get money or stock for saying that).

Anywhoish, here are some random ones I have found whilst trolling through the Intertubenets...























Apr 22, 2009

Because I am one of the all-time geeks...

I get an email from the fine folks at Think Geek every month or so because of some previous purchases I have made there. Usually there are some pretty funny items, some awfully geeky, and others that are lame. But today's email brings us a new level of geekdom.

Behold readers, I bring you the Star Trek Limited Edition Titanium Spork!!

I know, I know, calm the hell down people or I'll call in security! Check this shit out:



Did someone just say "Why that all looks impressive as hell Sky-Dad, but does it have collectors packaging?"

Fuck yeah!



I'll pause a moment for you to all catch your breath, steady now...

This seems like the perfect compliment to your Away Team Red Shirt:



So when you beam down to that planet you can say your one and only line of your Star Trek career, "Captain! Over here, quick! Arrrrrgh!!"

Apr 21, 2009

It may not cure your herpes, but you can teleport!

It's the next generation in Herpes medicine, with a slight side effect...

Herpex - watch more funny videos

Apr 20, 2009

Has it really been 10 years?

Today is the 10th anniversary of the shootings at Columbine High School. There has been a lot of interviews, special features, several pieces run in the papers and on the news. But to me the story that continues to be the one that comes to mind is that of Dave Sanders, a teacher and coach who was killed protecting the kids he loved so much.

I wrote about this last year and decided to just reprint it again, because my favorite writer, Rick Reilly knew Dave Sanders, and wrote a wonderful article about him in Sports Illustrated. Here it is again...



The Big Hero of Littleton

As usual, coach Dave Sanders spent Tuesday of last week at Columbine High hanging around the kids.

One kept constant pressure on the gaping gunshot wounds in Sanders's shoulders, using T-shirts off other kids' backs. Another made a pillow from kids' sweatshirts for his head. Others covered his shivering body with more shirts.

Outside the science room bullets and shrapnel were still flying, but inside, where Sanders lay, the kids were quietly keeping him talking, conscious, alive. "Who's this?" they whispered, going through his wallet, showing him his own pictures.

"My ... wife ... Linda," he said with what little breath he had. They asked him about the pictures of his daughters Angela and Coni. They asked him about coaching the Columbine girls' basketball team. They asked him about coaching the girls' softball team. They asked him about all of the boys' and girls' teams he used to coach. A man coaches just about every team at a school over 25 years, there's a lot to cover.

Every high school has a Coach Sanders, the giving one, the joking one, the one who sets up the camps, sacrifices his nights to keep the gym open, makes sure the girls have the weight room to themselves twice a week. RUN, GUN AND HAVE FUN is what the girls' basketball team T-shirts said last season and it worked. The Rebels had their best record in a decade. So when he ran into the cafeteria on Tuesday morning at 11:30, his face bright red, and yelled, "Get out! Get out! They're shooting!" the hundreds of kids in there took him seriously.

Some people believe Sanders saved the lives of more than 200 kids that day. Witnesses say he led many to the kitchen, to the auditorium, to safety. "He saved my life," says Brittany Davies, one of his jayvee basketball players, "and then he kept running, cutting across the lunchroom, telling people to get down. He left himself in the open where he could get shot."

Columbine English teacher Cheryl Lucas told the Rocky Mountain News, "He was the most responsible for saving a bunch of lives .... They would've been sitting ducks if not for Mr. Sanders." But that wasn't enough for Sanders. There must have been a dozen ways out of the cafeteria to safety. Instead, he ran upstairs to warn more kids.

"I was standing in the science room, looking out the window [in the door leading to the hall]," says Greg Barnes, a varsity basketball player. "Then I saw Coach Sanders turn around, take two shots, right in front of me. Blood went flying off him and he fell."

Sanders got up and staggered into the science room. Teeth were knocked out when he fell. Blood was pouring from his shoulders and chest. A roomful of kids leaped back. Eagle Scout Aaron Hancey, a junior who videotapes boys' basketball games, began applying pressure to the wounds.
An hour went by. The gunmen had tried to enter the room next to the science room but couldn't. Hancey talked to police on the science room phone, telling them where he and the others were, that Coach Sanders was badly wounded. The police said a SWAT team was coming.

A second hour went by. Someone crept to a science room window facing the parking lot and held up a sign that read 1 BLEEDING TO DEATH. Still, no SWAT team. No fire ladder to the window. No chopper.

Three hours and nothing. The kids in the science room weren't hearing explosions anymore, but they dared not run for it. They figured the killers could be anywhere. How could they know that the killers had been dead for more than an hour?

Somehow, Sanders stayed alive, despite losing body heat, blood and breath. "He was a brave man," says Hancey. "He hung in there. He was a tough guy."

Finally, after 3 1/2 hours, a SWAT team burst in. One member said he'd wait with Sanders until a stretcher came. "Even if they'd gotten him out then," says Hancey, "I think he would've made it."

Outside, in the hollow-eyed afternoon, there came a rumor that Sanders was in surgery at a Denver hospital. For hours Linda and the girls frantically called area hospitals. Nothing. Finally, at about 9 p.m., Angela went live on a Denver TV station and pleaded, "Does anybody know where my father is?"

Her father was still in that science room. He died by the time paramedics reached him. He died a couple hundred yards from 300 cops and dozens of ambulances. Only the kids in that terrifying room heard his last words:

"Tell my girls I love them."


Everybody said Dave Sanders lived for kids.


Should've known he'd die for them, too.

Apr 19, 2009

Apr 17, 2009

Walk on DJ

DJ has Cerebral Palsy. He has completed a remarkable journey that is in this golf video. It is about 12 minutes long, make some time to watch, you will be a richer person for doing so.

Thanks,
Chris






Apr 16, 2009

Apr 15, 2009

Britains Got Talent

Just like Paul Potts from a couple of years ago, a nobody has come out of nowhere to stun the crowd and the judges at Britains got talent. Listen to Miss Susan Boyle blow everyone away with I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserable, my favorite musical.


Susan Boyle Stuns Crowd with Epic Singing - Watch more Funny Videos

Apr 14, 2009

Bad Tat Tuesday!!

I know, just when you thought it was safe to go back in Sky-Dad's blog...

It's been awhile, and I thought I was out of poor designs, but thanks to the miracle of the Interweb-tubes, we have a fresh new collection.

Sit back, drink it all in, start planning your next ink.



But others will juge your piss poor spellin!



Does anybody use spell check anymore?



We are on a spelling kick, I think tomarrow is like bone marrow...



Nice! Had me fooled. Why is it no surprise he has a Dale Jr shirt?



I only would go for a tat of something really important in my life, like my cheap-assed plastic lawn furniture...



Uncle Sam meets Mr. Hyde.




Ok, they are kind of cuddly...

I have more, but they will have to wait for the next edition of (insert echo effect) Bad Tat Tuesday...

Apr 13, 2009

I'm over at Fire That Agency today!

Having a hard time digesting that Easter weekend mixture of fatty foods and candy with a peep chaser? Then head on over to Fire That Agency to see not one, not two, but three fabulous videos that will help you bring up that toxic mixture in your stomach.

Apr 12, 2009

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Cleaning

Ever watch Sarah? She is damn funny. Check out the fake vid about how housewives can have romance while cleaning...

Apr 10, 2009

Friday Funny, Part Deaux

The Onion scores again with "Children Exposed To Porn May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable"

Friday Funny

From my gym rat friend Mike:

Apr 8, 2009

Praise for the Beer Goggles

From Urban Dictionary:

Beer goggles is a slang term for a phenomenon in which consumption of alcohol lowers sexual inhibitions to the point that very little or no discretion is used when approaching or choosing sexual partners. It can also refer to literal goggle-like devices used to distort vision to simulate the effects of drunkenness.

So who among us hasn't looked across the room towards closing wondering if you were going to take that special lady with the fresh stitches in her forehead home for the night and possibly marry her?

Anyone else?

(crickets)

OK, so only me huh? Well let it be known that there has been more than one evening where the beer goggles were on and making a huge difference. Especially during those crazy days of port visits in exotic countries while in the Navy. This collection of pictures helps to illustrate the effect. Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times, if the effect becomes too distorting, just look down.















Even worse than the beer goggles is it's insidious older brother, Tequila!




But what's the worse than can happen while under the influence?



Or instead of bad decisions, just... wait what was I saying?


And as a reward for hanging in there through this mess, here is a great ad for the Gorilla Gripper. Stay with it until the end...

The Dark Knight meets Superman

From College Humor, some funny shit here!

Apr 7, 2009

The New Lady of the House

I already posted some of these pictures on Facebook, so you "double dippers" will just have to deal with some more cuteness. We adopted a Chocolate Lab from some friends of ours who found out that their son is allergic to her. Her name is Montana and she is 7 years old. She and Yordi are getting along well, and she is learning the ropes around here.


Yordi is teaching her she can't go into the kitchen.



She has demon blood!



They like hanging at Skyler's feet, which is good and bad. Nice that they like him so much, but a pain when we have to move him.



She also thinks Skyler's changing table would be a great place to lay!

Apr 5, 2009

Jealous much?

You are all going to be soooo envious of me, because yesterday when I opened up the mailbox looky at what was waiting for Sky-dad! A wonderful bit of correspondence from none other than Gwen from Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Breathe in it's awesomeness:



I love, love, loved it Gwen! Thanks so very much! But then, after contemplating on the card for awhile, I started thinking about poor Earl. So went to the basement and fired up the WOPR computer (pronounced whopper) that I purchased from NORAD cause I am fond of cheesy sci-fi with computers that go hummmm and have lots of lights, but that's another story altogether, and started searching for Earl's other cousin.



Let's just say that perhaps Earl made the right choice...