Jan 30, 2008

I've been trapped behind somebody else before...

But never quite this bad!

I'm looking forward to old age

Someday (in another couple of months or so...) when I appear to be "agitated", I can only hope that I can get the good stuff!

Jan 29, 2008

Despiration - A dating video...

I just love the part where the kid brother comes in!

Jan 28, 2008

I bet you almost missed this exciting event!

Lego Bricks turned 50 years old today!!

Gizmodo put together a timeline showing how they went from simple building blocks to sophisticated robotics.

And the really big tribute today? Getting Google to do their logo in Legos...

If yer needin them new, fancy-pants, power winders...

Jan 27, 2008

Childcare Instructions for beginners

My wife passed this on to me, she got it from a friend, yada yada...

Anyway, I have made at least 4 of the errors described in here. Can you name them?

Jan 23, 2008

Sunday Drive with Dad

We can all learn from this and aspire to be better fathers...

A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old daughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and he really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their daughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her father.

"Well," the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?"

"Oh yes, Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head!"

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?

Today in History - Jan 23rd

On Jan. 23, 1968, North Korea seized the Navy intelligence ship USS Pueblo, charging its crew with being on a spying mission. (The crew was released 11 months later.)

Jan 21, 2008

Jan 18, 2008

Today in History

In 1943, a wartime ban on the sale of pre-sliced bread in the U.S. — aimed at reducing bakeries' demand for metal replacement parts — went into effect.

See? You learned something today!

Jan 16, 2008

We're at 45 degrees and holding!

Been stuck down in Richardson TX working like a dog this week, but had to post this after a friend sent it to me. One of the funniest scenes from a really funny old movie, enjoy!

Jan 13, 2008

John the Farmer

From my buddy Jack, a good story and wonderful piece of advice:

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch; a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible.

Jan 12, 2008

Some people aren't "morning people"

I can't remember who posted about not being a morning person, but this one is for you!

Jan 10, 2008

The shoe post

I have noticed that a lot of the wonderful folks on my blog roll have an affinity for shoes. So when I stumbled across these, I just had to post them. I am looking forward to several photos of you all wearing some of these, you know who you are!

Jan 9, 2008

Today's Bumper Sticker

If the fetus you save is gay, will you still fight for it's rights?

Jan 7, 2008

Polar Bear Attack

Graphic images of a Polar Bear attack in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada.

These pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing to stop the attack! Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim will make a full recovery.

Jan 5, 2008

Trash Haulers Have Fun Too

Who says Air Force dudes can't write? Found this old email from a friend who is retired AF.

From the mailbag:

There I was at six thousand feet over central Iraq, two hundred eighty knots and we're dropping faster than Paris Hilton's panties. It's a typical September evening in the Persian Gulf; hotter than a rectal thermometer and I'm sweating like a priest at a Cub Scout meeting.

But that's neither here nor there. The night is moonless over Baghdad tonight, and blacker than a Steven King novel. But it's 2004, folks, and I'm sporting the latest in night-combat technology. Namely, hand-me-down night vision goggles (NVGs) thrown out by the fighter boys. Additionally, my 1962 Lockheed C-130E Hercules is equipped with an obsolete, yet, semi-effective missile warning system (MWS). The MWS conveniently makes a nice soothing tone in your headset just before the missile explodes into your airplane.
Who says you can't polish a turd? At any rate, the NVGs are illuminating Baghdad International Airport like the Las Vegas Strip during a Mike Tyson fight. These NVGs are the cat's ass. But I've digressed.

The preferred method of approach tonight is the random shallow. This tactical maneuver allows the pilot to ingress the landing zone in an unpredictable manner, thus exploiting the supposedly secured perimeter of
the airfield in an attempt to avoid enemy surface-to-air-missiles and small arms fire. Personally, I wouldn't bet my pink ass on that theory but the approach is fun as hell and that's the real reason we fly it.

We get a visual on the runway at three miles out, drop down to one thousand feet above the ground, still maintaining two hundred eighty knots. Now the fun starts. It's pilot appreciation time as I descend the mighty Herk to six hundred feet and smoothly, yet very deliberately, yank into a sixty degree left bank, turning the aircraft ninety degrees offset from runway heading. As soon as we roll out of the turn, I reverse turn to the right a full two hundred seventy degrees in order to roll out aligned with the runway. Some aeronautical genius coined this maneuver the "Ninety/Two-Seventy." Chopping the power during the turn, I pull back on the yoke just to the point my nether regions start to sag, bleeding off energy in order to configure the
pig for landing.

"Flaps Fifty!, Landing Gear Down!, Before Landing Checklist!" I look over at the copilot and he's shaking like a cat shitting on a sheet of ice. Looking further back at the navigator, and even through the NVGs, I can clearly see the wet spot spreading around his crotch. Finally, I glance at my steely-eyed flight engineer. His eyebrows rise in unison as a grin forms on his face. I can tell he's thinking the same thing I am. "Where do we find such fine young men?" "Flaps One Hundred!" I bark at the shaking cat. Now it's all aimpoint and airspeed. Aviation 101, with the exception there's no lights, I'm on NVGs, it's Baghdad, and now tracers are starting to crisscross the black sky.

Naturally, and not at all surprisingly, I grease the Goodyear's on brick-one of runway 33 left, bring the throttles to ground idle and then force the props to full reverse pitch. Tonight, the sound of freedom is my four Hamilton Standard propellers chewing through the thick, putrid, Baghdad air. The huge, one hundred thirty thousand pound, lumbering whisper pig comes to a lurching stop in less than two thousand feet. Let's see a Viper do that! We exit the runway to a welcoming committee of government issued Army grunts. It's time to download their beans and bullets and letters from their sweethearts, look for war booty, and of course, urinate on Saddam's home.
Walking down the crew entry steps with my lowest-bidder, Beretta 92F, 9 millimeter strapped smartly to my side, I look around and thank God, not Allah, I'm an American and I'm on the winning team. Then I thank God I'm not in the Army.

Knowing once again I've cheated death, I ask myself, "What in the hell am I doing in this mess?" Is it Duty, Honor, and Country? You bet your ass. Or could it possibly be for the glory, the swag, and not to mention, chicks dig the Air Medal. There's probably some truth there too. But now is not the time to derive the complexities of the superior, cerebral properties of the human portion of the aviator-man-machine model. It is however, time to get out of this shit-hole. "Hey copilot, clean yourself up! And how's 'bout the 'Before Starting Engines Checklist.'"
God, I love this job!
- Author chooses to remain anonymous

Jan 4, 2008

This tag left a mark!

Teri tagged me with a slightly different meme than I have seen before. Here is how it works:

Link to the person that tagged you: Doo! Teri did, I already covered that...

Post the rules on your blog.

Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog, tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

And away we go...

Fact #1
I used to be a downhill racer. I was on a team where I learned how to ski starting about the 4th grade, so I kind of grew up on the boards. However, with my training leaning towards keeping the big boards (210's) wide and pointing straight down the hill, I can't ski deep powder or in the trees to this day. My stance is too wide (please no Larry Craig jokes).

Fact #2
I used to own a 1970 Plymouth Barracuda, 440 magnum, factory Hurst 4 speed, dual points, headers, and a big ass full cam. Blindingly fast in the quarter mile, usually in the upper 11's to the low 12's. Sold it when I got out of the Navy for 1500 bucks, now I see in auto trader rags where it goes for about 50,000... Kind of the way most of my investment luck goes.

Fact #3
I played Horace Vandergelder in our High Schools production of Hello Dolly. I won an Oscar for best actor. De Niro attended just to how I played the role, he was moved to tears.

Fact #4
Despite the fact that I have been writing training for Sun and now Technical Writing for Linksys for over 6 years, my spelling has not improved a bit. Thank God for spellcheck, otherwise there is no way I could pull this off.

Fact #5
I have broken the shin bone on my right leg in the same place twice. Once during football and the second tripping over the rock wall in front of our house in Idaho Springs. Which story sounds better/which do you think I tell to explain the large lump on that shin?

Fact #6
When I was a little kid crawling around on the floor, my mom came into the room to find me under the ironing board tugging on the cord to the iron. She screamed, causing me to pull harder and the iron came off and landed on my head.

Fell free to fill in your own smarky comment about how this explains a lot about me...

Fact #7
There are about 3 or 4 different people living inside me, you get a different me depending on what day it is or how tired/pissed off/happy I am. Friends tell me I am always in a good mood, really good friends can see the signs and adjust accordingly!

I tag Jen, Doc, Flannery, Kirby, Lady who doesn't lunch, Leonesse, and last but not least, my Sister!

Jan 3, 2008

To all my friends

Just a note to let everyone know who sent me best wishes for 2007, it did NOTHING AT all.

For 2008, could you please send either money, alcohol or gas vouchers.


Jan 2, 2008

Fake Motivation Posters

More fun stuff found while I really should be working. Yeah, I'm sick, what else did you expect?