We interrupt Bad Tat Tuesday for some ranting...
I didn't get around to collecting enough tats for another edition of Bad Tat Tuesday, so sorry folks. My bad. But what has been going on is a lot of suck! Therefore you get to listen to me bitch...
Dear lady in front of me at Starbucks, what is that delightful scent you are wearing this fine morning? It seem like a mixture of dog crap, after-sex, and shame. And I do believe you applied it with some device of your own design I can only imagine is like a moving walkway that goes through a personnel sized car wash! Well done fine maiden, well done!
While we are on the subject of dog crap (seamless transitions are a forte of mine) what the hell is with you people at the off-leash dog park? Right there at the entrance is a roll of bags that you can grab a couple off of just like a paper towel dispenser. It isn't too difficult, bag up Fido's dropping and put them in the barrel on the way out! It is just common courtesy, and if we don't do it we will lose this place, get it? And to you people who manage to bag it, and LEAVE IT ON THE GROUND IN THE BAG, what the fuck is wrong with you?!?!? Do you think the poop fairy comes at night to clean up after you? This is worse than not bagging, because at least the non-bagged stuff will eventually disintegrate, but no... not you. You like to plastic wrap your land mine!
Hey ass-hat who drove so close to my rear bumper I couldn't even see your plate number. That light flicking move might get me to move out of the way on the Autobahn, or the Interstate if you need to achieve warp 9, but this is a city street and I am turning left at the end of the block! You should have left sooner this morning AJ Foyt, because now I am just slowing down to mess with you.
Pardon me Mr Project Manager at work, I know that you are the most important person in Cisco, and the economy will collapse if we don't move your little 8 port switch out the door, but come on. How many times are you going to invoke the name of "your bosses boss" one of the VP's and then tell me how much "visibility" this project has? And did you really just tell me to re-write my document with your marketing lingo that turns nouns into verbs? What the hell is this, did I just violate some dimensional rift and wind up inside a Dilbert comic?
OK, I am done now, thanks for letting me vent. We now return you to Olympic updates and silly YouTube videos...
Dear lady in front of me at Starbucks, what is that delightful scent you are wearing this fine morning? It seem like a mixture of dog crap, after-sex, and shame. And I do believe you applied it with some device of your own design I can only imagine is like a moving walkway that goes through a personnel sized car wash! Well done fine maiden, well done!
While we are on the subject of dog crap (seamless transitions are a forte of mine) what the hell is with you people at the off-leash dog park? Right there at the entrance is a roll of bags that you can grab a couple off of just like a paper towel dispenser. It isn't too difficult, bag up Fido's dropping and put them in the barrel on the way out! It is just common courtesy, and if we don't do it we will lose this place, get it? And to you people who manage to bag it, and LEAVE IT ON THE GROUND IN THE BAG, what the fuck is wrong with you?!?!? Do you think the poop fairy comes at night to clean up after you? This is worse than not bagging, because at least the non-bagged stuff will eventually disintegrate, but no... not you. You like to plastic wrap your land mine!
Hey ass-hat who drove so close to my rear bumper I couldn't even see your plate number. That light flicking move might get me to move out of the way on the Autobahn, or the Interstate if you need to achieve warp 9, but this is a city street and I am turning left at the end of the block! You should have left sooner this morning AJ Foyt, because now I am just slowing down to mess with you.
Pardon me Mr Project Manager at work, I know that you are the most important person in Cisco, and the economy will collapse if we don't move your little 8 port switch out the door, but come on. How many times are you going to invoke the name of "your bosses boss" one of the VP's and then tell me how much "visibility" this project has? And did you really just tell me to re-write my document with your marketing lingo that turns nouns into verbs? What the hell is this, did I just violate some dimensional rift and wind up inside a Dilbert comic?
OK, I am done now, thanks for letting me vent. We now return you to Olympic updates and silly YouTube videos...
I know just how you feel. I have days like that where is seems everyone else in the world (at least those I come in to contact with) are just idiots and assholes. Hope it gets better!
ReplyDeleteI have just such a post building up at my place too. Late winter angries!!
ReplyDeleteRantings are my favorite. I'm twisted like that.
ReplyDeleteSmile. It can't be THAT bad!
ReplyDelete(That's the one thing that can make a bad day worse. Because how the fuck does anyone know how bad it is?)
Chris, I actually LOVED this post. Do people really leave the wrapped dog crap? They've obviously been over-lobotomized and need to have their televisions taken away.
ReplyDeleteThey bag it and leave it on the ground? WTF?
ReplyDeleteOh, I hate it when people use corporate speak. So annoying. ACtually, all those things you listed are annoying. i hope you feel better now. That was a lot of stuff for you to be exposed to.
ReplyDeleteAm I a bitch if I point out that a _maiden_ can't smell like after-sex? Of course, in these modern times where the vast majority of folks give it up long before they see an altar, that's not really true anymore. Sorry you had such a rough day!
ReplyDeleteI hate days like that (mine was at 1 am last night) and I love a good rant! I hope your day(s) got better!!!
ReplyDeleteLeaving dog crap at the park is bad enough, but bagged poo? The jerks should be force fed the contents of those little blue bags.
ReplyDeleteI had to stop going to the local park for some of these same reasons. People don't pick up after their dogs. And, there are signs saying "No off leash dogs" and they let them run free anyway. Plus all the "No bicycles or skateboards on jogging path" signs that get ignored by the women who suffer from "Suburban White Mom Entitlement Syndrome" as they let their demon spawn ride bikes and skateboards around.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the first lady was literally doing "the dirty deed" in the alley behind the Starbucks.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hate PMS. Listen, push your little papers, and make your little charts, but get the fuck out of the tech people's way. You want documentation rewritten? RE-THE-FUCK-WRITE-IT-YOURSELF! I will then mark it up and point out the blantant lies and contra arguments you have put in.
My fav is Mr. Project manager - self-agrandizing douchebag.
ReplyDeleteI traded in my hulking, rusty Chevy Blazer for a more fuel-efficient Toyota a while back. The one thing I miss is when people were tailgating me, I'd slow down and if they still didn't get the hint, I'd slam on the brakes. Nobody ever ended up hitting my rear bumper, but some came close. It would have been really funny-- they would have ended up with a couple of thousands of dollars in damage to their front end AND a ticket.
ReplyDeleteThis is much preferred over bad tat Tuesday. ;)
ReplyDeleteoh, I rather enjoyed this. You're awesome when you're pissed off!
ReplyDeleteAnd I was just hating my little family office.
ReplyDeleteThanks. :)
I also like the rants. It reminds me that other people are angry too... and that makes me happy.
ReplyDelete