Feb 5, 2010

Friday Funny!

A little something to get you through the last day of the week. Bring it on Saturday!!

One of the engineers I work with is from England, and I just love his sense of humor. He is working out of the Plano Texas office, which is always a source of amusement for both of us. He sent me this a couple of days ago...

----- While on the topic of security levels ......

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!" Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Two more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the
barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is canceled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

6 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHA! This is brilliant! My first big laugh of the day. Thanks, Sky Dad!! Happy Friday to you!

    :-)

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  2. I don't know why we don't issue more "Bloody Nuisance" warnings. These days everything is a "bloody nuisance. Especially tea running out or snow or rain or the bin men not coming when they're supposed to.

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  3. Bloody silly post. Crikey.

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  4. My second good laugh of the day! Thanks Mate!!

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  5. Very funny and exactly what I needed. Thanks for that.

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  6. What about Canada? I heard they raised their threat level from "Terrorists? What Terrorists?" to "You're fighting a war? Go ahead and send us your draft dodgers." The only higher level is, "Wait, we've got too many of your draft dodgers. Take them back!"

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