Jul 11, 2011

Monday Morning Hitting To All Fields

Hi there boys and girls! How is everybody doing today? Uh huh. Uh huh. (nods head up and down). Well that's great, glad to hear that everyone else is doing just as poor as I am!

Lately it has been 1 step forward 2 steps back at the very least. Lets recap, shall we?

I was emptying the dishwasher the other day and had a stack of plates in my hands as I spun around. My wife had come up behind me without my noticing and I tried to move quickly to the side out of her way. My leg hit the washer door and didn't move, then I lost balance and went down over the dishwasher door. I landed so had I bent a broiler pan, and crumpled the sides of the dishwasher from the force on the door.

I was amazed I was OK because I fell across all the silverware and no part of me was shanked!

My wife was pretty concerned though, "Look what you did to the dishwasher!" was her first instinct, I could feel the love. It was almost like a Lifetime movie.

So we went and bought the same model of dishwasher since this one was only about a year and a half old, and that would make for easy replacement. No such luck, they changed the water connection from female to male underneath. Back to Lowes for more connectors...

We have had a lot of bad weather lately, and we lost the top of a silver maple tree in our backyard. Lots of branches down, but this was a pretty big limb out of the tree:

But the backyard is cleaned up now and I have the limbs all cut up and out of the way.

I took my Volvo wagon in for a mysterious message "Service your engine" that was popping up randomly and as it did that it would kind of hesitate while accelerating. The diagnostic came back as a throttle problem that was a recall I had missed by, wait for it, 2 months! That's right, what would have been a free fix they now want around 900 bills for.

I told them to skip it, I will wait for it to fail horribly before I have to drop that kind of cash. When I asked why so much, the guy explained that it is an electronic module that tells the engine where the gas pedal is at.

Whaaaaat? My fucking car is fly-by-wire...

So I decided I needed some humor in my life, and went through the old blog fodder folder to share a few things. So here you go my little blogger buddies, enjoy!


  1. Sorry to hear about your dishwasher, man. Er, I mean, glad to hear you weren't hurt.

    I love the "Hey Jude" diagram. And is that Scott Bakula on the "First World Problems" poster??

  2. STUPID MACHINERY! Trying to kill us all. I hope you are not too bruised! If it makes you feel better AT ALL, I wiped out on my way home from work today - that's what you get for going "Hey, I'm going to take the healthy option and walk home from now on!" - and took the skin off my right palm and right knee. JOY! Sorry about your car :(

  3. What?! There's a time limit on recalls? Seriously? I didn't know that recalls expired. How shitty. That doesn't seem right somehow.

    Glad to hear your dishwasher's murder attempt failed. Personally, I'm suspecting it was a Cylon all along. You should be relieved to be rid of it.

  4. beckeye: I don't think it's McGuder, but he may have toned down the mullet.

    Veggie: I have recovered from the fall, but the broiler pan will never be the same. I hope you are healing well!

    Cora: The recall was part of a lawsuit against Volvo, so midnight at 1 year they shut it down hard! My dishwasher was like Steven Kings car movie Christine.

  5. Anonymous10:20 AM

    Vagina squirrels?! Hahahahahahahha!

  6. Oh yes...this seems to be the story of my life at time too. I was bringing home sauce in a sealed container from my moms house. I put it on the floor so it wouldn't topple while I was driving. When I opened the car door, the container smashed on the garage floor leaving red sauce all over the floor.
    So I had to move the car to hose down the garage and while doing so I backed up into the basketball hoop post.

    About $1500.00 in damage.
    Yup I suck right there with you pal.

    thats why I LOVE the vagina squirrels....bwahahahahaah!

  7. At our house, you would have died. Wife puts the stake knives in pointy end up.

    And I think that's Dawson from the Creek show in the "First World" picture.

    And I think Casey owes him far more than a killer BJ.

    And my word ver is "kiled"

  8. Yup, steak knives ALWAYS go handle up for when people fall headfirst into the dishwasher. Better the machine than you.

    Car companies suck. 'Nuf said.

    And you must be psychic because just this morning, I was thinking that Casey owes Baez a TON of BJs for getting her off.

  9. Your life sucks, dude. JK

  10. Disclaimer: This is not legal advice. I don't do personal injury law. I am just curious and don't understand about this recall issue. Don't they do recalls when they *know* that they have sold vehicles with defective parts that could be dangerous? And aren't they supposed to give you notice if parts are recalled? And if they sold you a defective car and didn't give you notice of the recall, then that seems like their fault, right? I think you should ask them if they are planning to wait until the part fails and causes an accident and they get sued for millions of dollars, or if they'd like to fix it right now, without charge, and only be out the cost of the parts and a few dollars for labor...

    The comics are great! Vagina squirrels!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

    And I love the Hey Jude chart -- may have to print it for my Beatles-obsessed almost-teen daughter. :)

  11. OK, I just read your response to Cora. Nevermind about the recall. I'm still thinking it seems wrong somehow, but if they got a court somewhere to sign off on it, it probably holds water...

  12. I only get green lights when im trying to text during red ones :)

  13. Dishwashers are the most evil appliances on earth. They get to you too... you become convinced that you really need one, so nice, so helpful, & energy efficient! So you invite one into your home... how does it repay you? It constantly tries to kill you, and none of them actually wash your dishes properly unless you pre- and post-wash them anyway!! We haven't had one in for about 2 years now... the bruises on my shins, you know, the ones about 8" from the floor, are almost gone...

  14. I have suffered many of these first world problems, is there help out there for me?