Apr 25, 2009

Power Outage During the Mammogram

From one of my friends, I know you ladies will appreciate this:

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear? I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science. Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door. 'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back..'Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.''You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store..

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said,'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...

12 comments:

  1. Wow. The phrase "idiotic twit" is springing to mind. Please tell me this didn't really happen!

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  2. If it had been me, that would be one dead Belinda.

    I have the male equivalent of this. I'll send it to you and it's up to you whether you want to post it. It's pretty damn funny.

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  3. Oh Belinda, Belinda, Belinda, what a boob!

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  4. Good thing you can call your lawyer from a cell phone even if there is a power outage.

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  5. hahahaahaha i would of killed the bitch.

    C

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  6. I am thinking "justifiable homicide"....

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  7. I have a mamo appt on tuesday, just what I needed to read. Thanks.

    #1

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  8. This just cracked me up.. Bitch got what she deserved !

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  9. That was hilarious! Can't wait till I have to start getting mamograms now :)

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  10. And I thought I had it bad when the doorknob broke during my mammogram. At least I wasn't left with my tit in the wringer.

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  11. Mammograms. Thanks for giving me the shivers Sky Dad.

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  12. LMAO! I've had to tippy toe my way up to the damn machine once or twice in my life and I can relate.

    Well, not really...

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