Dec 16, 2010

Friday Funnies

Next week will start my companies shutdown period, so I promise that I will have some extra time to try and post something other than my usual drivel. I have a few more Fernando pictures and updates to share, and I have some junk on my mind that I need to vent or get more of a headache thinking about it.

So until then, and to get you headed into the weekend on a roll, I present you with some humor!

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after and house her neighbors male dog while they were away on vacation. She had a large house, however, and believed that she could keep them apart but as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage as so frequently happens when they mate.

Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. Having explained the problem to him, the vet said. "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"It just worked for me" he replied.

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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said,

"When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting.

As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Not that well...when I fired the pistol, my wife shit in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

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The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier." Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.

She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes, answered the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk??

---- This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught..

4 comments:

  1. She shouldn't carry the bag. She should use one of those hand-carts.

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  2. I'll definitely be repeating a few of these jokes this weekend! And if this is your idea of drivel, I'd say "Bring it on!" Have a relaxing and restful weekend. Can't wait to see Fernando again! - G

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  3. tacky tacky snort gwaf lol tacky

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  4. I just have to share this with you!
    http://theysayimnuts.blogspot.com/2010/12/who-i-would-dance-with.html

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