Apr 22, 2010

A Couple of Quick Jokes

Widdle Wabbit

A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,






"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

The Blessing

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible golf cart wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced..

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place ."
Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom."

The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife that the word is 'sternum'."

6 comments:

  1. HA!!!!!!

    My Dad is horrible with words - to say he commits malapropisms is putting it mildly. My mother died tragically from an asthma attack. Poor Dad told folks that her "barnacle tubes" shut down and they had to "incubate" her.

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  2. Not where I thought either of those jokes was going.

    Well played Sir, well played.

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  3. And then the lady kicked her husband in the scrotum for publicly correcting her and making her feel stupid.

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  4. Those are good ones! Thanks for the larfs...

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  5. Hee hee hee! One of the boys in high school loudly complained to the class that had an ear infection in his "fallopian tube"! *snicker*

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  6. When I was in college (the first time around, that is), I worked in a dorm food service. One of the ladies told me that her young son had told her that if he had kids when he grew up he'd "put them up for abortion."

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