May 30, 2007

Be warned! I am about to suck up large amounts of your spare time!

Presenting the Official Seal Generator.

Yes, that's right. If you are not born into wealth and high status like I am, you can create the illusion of having such. Simply visit Official Seal Generator and use your imagination!

Be sure to share your Official Seal on you blog, everybody wants to see what a mucky-muck you are!

May 27, 2007

Memorial Day

I watched a special on the local NBC affiliate last night that had an interview with Jim Sheeler and Katherine Cathey. Jim is the Pulitzer Prize winning writer of the story Final Salute. Katherine is the wife of a Marine second Lt. who learns her husband has been killed in Iraq. The story is amazing, and as the prelude states:

They are the troops that nobody wants to see, carrying a message that no military family ever wants to hear.

It begins with a knock at the door.

For the past year, the Rocky Mountain News has followed Maj. Steve Beck as he takes on the most difficult duty of his career: casualty notification. As Beck and his comrades at Buckley Air Force Base keep constant watch over the caskets of the men they never knew, the Marines also comfort the families of the fallen, and choke back tears of their own.

It's all part of a tradition that started in 1775: Never leave a Marine behind.

After the knock on the door, the story has only begun.

Check it out, if only for the photos.

While we all enjoy our day off, remember some who have gone too soon.

Bring them all home...

And also, click here

May 26, 2007

Keith Olbermann: We Have Been Betrayed

See Kieth's Special Comment about the Democrats' deal with President Bush to continue financing this unspeakable war in Iraq -- and to do so on the Presidents' terms.

Well, there's news!

May 25, 2007

I thought most of them were dead...

I am pretty sure that this is one of the signs of the Apocalypse, isn't it?

May 23, 2007

Important safety information!

I lost this web site and just found it again while cleaning up things. It is a wonderful parody of the Department of Homeland Security warnings on

My favorite is "If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell."

What's yours?

May 22, 2007

Yeah, this is just like my neighborhood watch group!

New commercial from ADT, check it out.

So we meet again, eh Trebek?

Stealing this from Vikki who stole from McSweeney, and I am stealing from SNL...

Categories in which I'm pretty sure I could best all-time Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings:

1) Things your mother said in bed last night.
2) Ethnic slurs.
3) Things that make you go "ouch".
4) Your ass or a hole in the ground.
5) Name that disease.
6) Audio Daily Doubles of animal farting sounds.
7) Words that rhyme with cat.
8) Plays by Shakespeare about Venice Merchants.
9) Sexual Aids.
10) And finally, Anti-Submarine Warfare strategies against Soviet Alpha class subs.

May 21, 2007

Man Sleeps Through Gunshot to the Head

See if you can spot the key factors in this little tale:

From AP via Comcast news...

HUNTINGTON, W.Va. - Michael Lusher apparently is a sound sleeper. A small-caliber bullet struck the 37-year-old Altizer man in the head as he slept Sunday morning, but he didn't realize it until he awoke nearly four hours later and noticed blood coming from his head, said Cpl. R.H. McQuaid of the Cabell County Sheriff's Department.

The bullet that struck him was one of five that someone sprayed across his mobile home and truck at about 4:20 a.m. Sunday, McQuaid said. The one the struck Lusher apparently lost velocity as it traveled through two walls.

"We're just glad he didn't suffer any life-threatening injuries with a head wound," he said.

Lusher came home from a night on the town about an hour before he was shot while lying in bed, McQuaid said.

He remained hospitalized at St. Mary's Medical Center on Monday. His condition was not immediately available.

Cause everyone could use a little help, even us pros

May 18, 2007

Something to think about over the weekend

I picked this up through Good Morning Silicon Valley.

It called Running the Numbers, a collection of images showing how much we consume of different items.

Startling, really... Check it out here.

Finally, a clock with the proper amount of respect!

You really need to go to:
and check out this clock. Click on the Downloads tab and have yourself a good time!

My favorite is "Come come sir. Let us not be defeated. Let seize the day and take it roughly from behind. As the Colonel used to say in his unfortunate manner"

I must have one of these clocks!

May 17, 2007

Thanks for this link Dick!

Hmmm, not sure what to make of this, since that is one of the few drugs I never tried...

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

I think we have all worked with this dude at one point

The Adventures of Non-Credible Guy:

May 15, 2007

It's been 10 years and I still miss him

My sister called last night to remind me that it has been 10 years since our dad passed away today. She knows me and knows that I do not remember dates worth a damn, but I do remember all of the circumstances around it.

My mom had been in poor health for quite awhile, and we had always expected to someday get a call from our dad to tell us that mom passed away. But it turns out that dad's heart ran out of ticks. He was complaining to mom about having an upset stomach, and asked her if they had any antacid or something. Turns out that was the last thing he ever said, he had a massive heart attack and went fast. I suppose we should all be so lucky.

We had really great parents growing up, that always supported us in everything we did, and gave us everything we needed when we didn't have a lot of money for extras. You always hear horror stories of bad parents, or even parents who just didn't give a damn. Not us, we had it good.

I loved my mom a lot also but dad was special to me. He gave me my love for sports, my quirky sense of humor, and probably my foul mouth (but I blame that on the Navy). Dad was supportive without being pushy, and I don't think he ever was mad at me for not loving baseball as much as he did.

This is one of the only pictures I could find of the 3 guys together, back when Skyler was really little. I remember this being taken when we stopped by on our way to a Christmas concert with the singing group I belonged to at the time.

I have 2 pictures that hang in our house that I really love. This first one is when dad was 18, he was driving the first hydraulic front-end loader that the state of Colorado ever had. He started working for the maintenance department and then transferred over to the core of engineers, where he worked until he retired after 35 years.

The second picture is actually a collage that his crew made for him before he retired, thanking him for all of his work. It's pretty cool, showing people he worked with, jobs he did that got awards, and lots of funny stuff like a full house (they played a lot of poker also).

So here's to you dad, I miss you a lot, especially when the football game is over and you always used to call and chat about it. Sorry you had to miss the Broncos finally winning back to back super bowls!

May 12, 2007

This is for all of the Mom's out there

Got this from my sister, Happy Mothers Day all.

So, we had this great 10-year-old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat. The kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on a rug in our bathroom.

Well, we have three kids which, at the time of this story, were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves Chapstick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my Chapstick but he’d always lose it. So finally one day I showed him where I keep my Chapstick, and how he could use it whenever he wanted to, but he needed to put it back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother’s Day, we were in the midst of our typical rushing around and trying to get ready for church. Everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my Chapstick very carefully to Jack’s . . . rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said, “Chapped.”

Now. If you have a cat, you know that he is right--their little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn’t seem to mind.

But the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat’s behind or the hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother’s Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they’ve been using your Chapstick on the cat’s butt.

May 11, 2007

May 10, 2007

Cry Havok, and let slip the dogs of war!

My ghost story

Johnny Yen posted a ghost story yesterday that brought back this memory for me.

This happened about 20 years ago, when my wife and I were living in our first house. I was home alone with our 2 dogs, Rambo and Aspen. We had a small place that had a stairway that the base was right by the front door. Here is a picture that shows me, the dogs, and you can see the stairs in the background.

I was watching TV, the dogs were hanging out on the floor beside me, and their was a knock at the door. I opened it and nobody was there, and thought maybe I had just heard things. But the dogs were all fuzzed up and growling, so they knew that something was there.

So, I close the door thinking it was kids or something, and went back to the couch to sit down. The dogs continue to growl and are worked up, and then there is another knock. Now the dogs are barking, and pretty agitated, and I go throw open the door hoping to catch the kids.

No kids, nothing there. So I turn around and come back inside, and both dogs are just sitting there, hair all up, and both of their heads are turning at the same time, watching something go up our stairs.

Creepy, creepy, I didn't see a thing, but both of the dogs knew something was there, I swear!

I grabbed my shoes, grabbed their leashes, and we headed out. I must have walked them for about 2 hours that night before I came home.

That was the only experience I have ever had that comes close to a ghost siting.

May 9, 2007

Safety Quiz

Gentle Readers,

Several situations have come up recently where I believe that reader safety has been compromised at the expense of cheap humor. As a result of this practice, I felt obligated to pass along a rather simple quiz to all of you that should only take a few moments of your time.

Please review the following pictures and share with all of us any potential safety issues that you may see.

Satchel's not having the best day

May 8, 2007

Birthday followup

I keep on getting well wishes from all over the place. Thank you all very much, I have good taste when it comes to friends!

So this is what 50 feels like!

50 isn't old... for a tree!

Today's my birthday and it was a fun weekend full of celebration! First, on Friday some of my old Sun Micro friends treated me to lunch at Red Robin. Guinness was consumed, laughs were had, and it was a lot of fun.

Then on Sunday afternoon my wife and sister organized a party for me, inviting a lot of friends I grew up with and my workout gang. Many more Guinness consumed as well as Buffalo burgers! Yuuummmm.

My sister, being the devious one of the family, put together a poster of some old pictures she has been collecting from our family home. She said she could have really gone for embarassing, including the picture of me pooping into a pot on the kitchen floor. Thanks for not going that far Sandi!

Here are some pictures of the poster:

May 7, 2007

Don't be a herder hater

That is just too good!

Eat, Ingestion, The process of consuming nutrition

Johnny Yen has tagged me with the top 5 favorite places to eat meme.

You must really be bored Johnny if you think my dining habits will be of any interest!

The rules:

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you.
Include the city/state and country you’re in.
Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)
tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, United States)
Lulu (Chicago, Illinois, United States)
Chris (Boyne City, Michigan, United States)
AB (Cave Creek, Arizona, United States)
Johnny Yen (Chicago, Illinois, USA)
Skylers dad Westminster, Colorado

2. List out your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location.

3. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.

Aaaand, there off!

1. Red Robin
Yep, it's a chain and all, but it serves kick-ass Chocolate Shakes and they give you the remaining shake still in the metal mixer. Plus, if you want an adult beverage, there is Guinness on tap! But what makes this the best place is the fact that it is usually where I meet my old Sun Micro friends (GKL to all of you)for lunch. And the best part about eating out is who you get to spend time with, right?

2. CB Potts
Really great beer and some surprisingly good food for a bar. They have daily specials that are good, and make their own brews. Big old wall of TV for the hockey games also.

3. Senior Sols
My favorite Mexican place, out on the west side of the Denver Metro area. Small, family owned, they know how to make food. Killer Chili rellenio(sp) and 3 sizes of Margaritas - big, extra big, and why are my feet numb?

side note, have you all noticed the part alchohol is playing here? We continue...

4. Carabas
Another chain, but really good food, at a decent price, and it is staggering distance from my house.

5. Last but not least, Beau Joe's Pizza
This place started up in my home town of Idaho Springs, and has expanded out to a couple of different locations. They call their signature pizzas mountain pies, and you buy them not by the size, but by the pound. Whole wheat crust? Come on, who else does that with enough toppings to make it illegal to drive past the weigh and check station for the 18 wheelers?

Lastly, it must be said that dining out really isn't big with my family. On the rare occasions we do get out, we tend to grab a quick bite to eat and then focus on going somewhere to see a play or movie or whatever. We don't live to eat, we just eat to live.

Tag you're it goes out to My sister, Dick Small, GKL, Big Orange, and Vikki, so they can all crush me...

May 5, 2007

We live for today

Skyler is one of the managers for the Pomona High School swim teams, girls and boys. The coach has been really great about getting him included in team activities and lot's of the kids are really nice to him. It has been a good experience for him, and we have had fun. Skyler takes video and pictures of the team, and writes articles for a local newspaper to tell how the team is doing.

Skyler has some pre-programmed buttons on his communications device that we can type in questions, and then Skyler interviews someone while we jot down the answers. We recently interviewed one of the team members that is an exchange student from Palestine, the Gaza Strip, Tamer. I wanted to share some Tamer's interview with you all:

Tamer spends his summers swimming in the sea in his country. Swimming in a pool has been a new experience for him, but he likes it. Tamer said, "I love swimming freestyle and backstroke. But my favorite event is the Relay and their starts, because they show everybody's team spirit and competition." Tamer's goals this season are to have fun, make friends, win some meets and get into better shape.

Coach Griffiths said, "We are very lucky to have two great exchange students on the team. Tamer had to learn how to put his face in the water since he is used to swimming in the sea.

During a thunderstorm the other day at the pool, Tamer said "That is what the bombs sound like in my country. When we hear that sound, we all fall to the ground." He is worried about his family and his country and what he will find when he returns in early June. But, even with these fears Tamer has a wonderful, happy attitude. "We live for today. We don't plan for tomorrow because we don't know what will happen today", said Tamer.

I spoke with a friend of mine I work out with in the morning who has a son on the team. I mentioned Tamer's interview, and he said to me that Tamer told his son that they are lucky that they are not poor. They can afford a house with large blocks that stop the bullets from going through.

So, just when I start to feel a little sorry for myself, Karma has a way of giving you a little helmet slap...

May 4, 2007

Tell a guy he'll get a hardon, he will drink anything!

From AP, via Comcast news...

LIMA, Peru - Carmen Gonzalez plucks one of the 50 frogs from the aquarium at her bus stop restaurant, bangs it against tiles to kill it and then makes two incisions along its belly and peels off the skin as if husking corn.

She's preparing frog juice, a beverage revered by some Andean cultures for having the power to cure asthma, bronchitis, sluggishness and a low sex drive. A drink of so-called "Peruvian Viagra" sells for about 90 cents.

Gonzalez adds three ladles of hot, white bean broth, two generous spoonfuls of honey, raw aloe vera plant and several tablespoons of maca _ an Andean root also believed to boost stamina and sex drive _ into a household blender.

Then she drops the frog in.

Once strained, the result is a starchy, milkshake-like liquid that stings the throat.

At least 50 customers a day ask for steaming beer mugs of frog juice at Gonzalez's countertop-only restaurant in eastern Lima, and many treat the concoction as their morning _ and afternoon _ cup of coffee.

Rebeca Borja, a 53-year-old housewife and mother of five, originally from Lima's central highland city of Huancayo, where the beverage is common, said simply: "It gives you power."

May 3, 2007

Why is the Word "Retard" Still OK?

Yesterday was Special Olympics day and Skyler competed in a wheelchair race, and had a lot of fun seeing some of his friends, both from his school and from other schools in the area. My wife was looking around at websites about Special Olympics, and stumbled across this speech.

This is incredibly powerful coming from a young boy.

Skylers Dad

"I want to tell you a quick story before I start. I was walking through hallways, not minding my own business, listening to the conversations around me. As I passed the front door on my way to my English classroom, I heard the dialog between two friends nearby. For reasons of privacy, I would rather not give away their race or gender.

So the one girl leans to the other, pointing to the back of a young man washing the glass panes of the front door, and says, "Oh my gawd! I think it is so cute that our school brings in the black kids from around the district to wash our windows!" The other girl looked up, widened her slanted Asian eyes and called to the window washer, easily loud enough for him to hear, "Hey, Negro! You missed a spot!" The young man did not turn around. The first girl smiled a bland smile that all white girls - hell, all white people - have and walked on. A group of Mexicans stood by and laughed that
high pitch laugh that all of them have.

So now it's your turn. What do you think the black window washer did? What would you do in that situation? Do you think he turned and calmly explained the fallacies of racism and showed the girls the error of their way? That's the one thing that makes racism, or any discrimination, less powerful in my mind. No matter how biased or bigoted a comment or action may be, the guy can turn around and explain why racism is wrong and, if worst comes to worst, punch 'em in the face.

Discrimination against those who can defend themselves, obviously, cannot survive. What would be far worse is if we discriminated against those who cannot defend themselves. What then, could be worse than racism?

Look around you and thank God that we don't live in a world that discriminates and despises those who cannot defend themselves. Thank God that every one of us in this room, in this school, hates racism and sexism and by that logic discrimination in general. Thank God that every one in this institution is dedicated to the ideal of mutual respect and love for our fellow human beings. Then pinch yourself for living in a dream. Then pinch the hypocrites sitting next to you. Then pinch the hypocrite that is you.

Pinch yourself once for each time you have looked at one of your fellow human beings with a mental handicap and laughed. Pinch yourself for each and every time you denounced discrimination only to turn and hate those around you without the ability to defend themselves, the only ones around you without the ability to defend themselves. Pinch yourself for each time you have called someone else a "retard."

If you have been wondering about my opening story, I'll tell you that it didn't happen, not as I described it. Can you guess what I changed? No, it wasn't the focused hate on one person, and no it wasn't the slanted Asian eyes or cookie cutter features white people have or that shrill Hispanic hyena laugh (yeah, it hurts when people make assumptions about your person and use them against you doesn't it?).

The girl didn't say "hey Negro." There was no black person.

It was a mentally handicapped boy washing the windows. It was "Hey retard." I removed the word retard. I removed the word that destroys the dignity of our most innocent. I removed the single most hateful word in the entire English language.

I don't understand why we use the word; I don't think I ever will.

In such an era of political correctness, why is it that retard is still OK? Why do we allow it? Why don't we stop using the word? Maybe students can't handle stopping - I hope that offends you students, it was meant to - but I don't think the adults, here can either.

Students, look at your teacher, look at every member of this faculty. I am willing to bet that every one of them would throw a fit if they heard the word faggot or nigger - hell the word Negro - used in their classroom. But how many of them would raise a finger against the word retard? How many of them have? Teachers, feel free to raise your hand or call attention to yourself through some other means if you have.

That's what I thought. Clearly, this obviously isn't a problem contained within our age group.

So why am I doing this? Why do I risk being misunderstood and resented by this school's student body and staff? Because I know how much you can learn from people, all people, even - no, not even, especially - the mentally handicapped.

I know this because every morning I wake up and I come downstairs and I sit across from my sister, quietly eating her Cheerio's. And as I sit down she sets her spoon down on the table and she looks at me, her strawberry blonde hair hanging over her freckled face almost completely hides the question mark shaped scar above her ear from her brain surgery two Christmases ago.

She looks at me and she smiles. She has a beautiful smile; it lights up her face. Her two front teeth are faintly stained from the years of intense epilepsy medication but I don't notice that anymore. I lean over to her and say, "Good morning, Olivia." She stares at me for a moment and says quickly, "Good morning, Soeren," and goes back to her Cheerio's.

I sit there for a minute, thinking about what to say. "What are you going to do at school today, Olivia?" She looks up again. "Gonna see Mista Bee!" she replies loudly, hugging herself slightly and looking up. Mr. B. is her gym teacher and perhaps her favorite man outside of our family on the entire planet and Olivia is thoroughly convinced that she will be having gym class every day of the week. I like to view it as wishful thinking.

She finishes her Cheerio's and grabs her favorite blue backpack and waits for her bus driver, Miss Debbie, who, like clockwork, arrives at our house at exactly 7 o'clock each morning. She gives me a quick hug goodbye and runs excitedly to the bus, ecstatic for another day of school.

And I watch the bus disappear around the turn and I can't help but remember the jokes. The short bus. The "retard rocket." No matter what she does, no matter how much she loves those around her, she will always be the butt of some immature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some mature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some "adult's" joke.

By no fault of her own, she will spend her entire life being stared at and judged. Despite the fact that she will never hate, never judge, never make fun of, never hurt, she will never be accepted. That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I don't think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate. And maybe you don't realize that you hate. But that's what it is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them, your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it's nothing but another form of hate.

It's more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything. I'm doing this so that each and every one of you, student or teacher, thinks before the next time you use the word "retard," before the next time you shrug off someone else's use of the word "retard". Think of the people you hurt, both the mentally handicapped and those who love them.

If you have to, think of my sister. Think about how she can find more happiness in the blowing of a bubble and watching it float away than most of us will in our entire lives. Think about how she will always love everyone unconditionally. Think about how she will never hate. Then think about which one of you is "retarded."

Maybe this has become more of an issue today because society is changing, slowly, to be sure, but changing nonetheless. The mentally handicapped aren't being locked in their family's basement anymore.

The mentally handicapped aren't rotting like criminals in institutions. Our fellow human beings are walking among us, attending school with us, entering the work force with us, asking for nothing but acceptance, giving nothing but love. As we become more accepting and less hateful, more and more handicapped individuals will finally be able to participate in the society that has shunned them for so long. You will see more of them working in places you go, at Dominicks, at Jewel, at Wal-Mart. Someday, I hope more than anything, one of these people that you see will be my sister.

I want to leave you with one last thought. I didn't ask to have a mentally handicapped sister. She didn't choose to be mentally handicapped. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have learned infinitely more from her simple words and love than I have from any classroom of "higher education." I only hope that, one day, each of you will open your hearts enough to experience true unconditional love, because that is all any of them want to give. I hope that, someday, someone will love you as much as Olivia loves me. I hope that, someday, you will love somebody as much as I
love her. I love you, Olivia.

Soeren Palumbo

"Go forth purified and moisturized"

Never leave home without one, you never know when you need a quick sin removal.

People like to screw with me too Darrell!

May 1, 2007

You know, I really miss the West Wing

Check this out:
A great scene where President Bartlet goes toe to toe with fundamentalist talk show host Dr. Jenna Jacobs.

It's a male bashing tuesday

Got these last night from an old friend I used to work at the phone company with.