Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!" So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it." So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. I...

Two stories in the news lately that are special needs related. The first one follows: The Chinese have been trying to appear sensitive to the western world for the summer games, they dropped the ball on this one. I'd think they could've hired someone in disability advocacy from another country to do a better job than this: Quoting from the piece in the New Zealand Herald, "Disabled people can be unsocial, stubborn, controlling, defensive and have a strong sense of inferiority, says an official Beijing Olympics guide." Oh that's just great, there is more though! "The manual for Olympic volunteers in Beijing is peppered with patronizing comments, noting for example that physically disabled people are "often" mentally healthy." And here is my favorite: "Volunteers at the Olympics and Para Olympics are instructed not to call paralympians or disabled spectators "crippled" or "lame", even if they are "just jokin...

Since I missed last Friday for a quick joke, here is one to get you through your week: Hypnotist at the Senior Center It was entertainment night at the Senior Center . Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude drew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations" He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "SHIT!" said the ...

Taking a break from my usual twisted humor and youtube fetish for a couple of days. I have a lot to do this weekend, getting caught up on some cleanup, going to lot's of graduation parties, all while trying to do it one-armed. Should be interesting. I hope you all have a fun and safe holiday weekend, and I hope that in between the fun and frivolity everyone takes just a moment to remember what the weekend is all about. I will be thinking about guys I served with, and some that were lost even in peacetime. Clicky here.

I used to have this HBO special on tape many years ago, loaned it to a friend and never got it back. It is brilliant, Pollak does impressions of "real actors" doing the roles of the usual suspects in Star Trek. One note of explanation needed for the end since it's out of context, "Brian" is Brian Boitano who had won the gold at the Olympics that year, and Pollak was making fun of skating...

Always have a backup plan! New Boyfriend (Irish version)

Be on the lookout for... Osama Bin Shoppin

What's better than a fanny pack, or a man purse, or even backback? Why, it's all the latest rage for embracing your manly, yet geekish self. I give you: The Utilikilt!

Bubs tagged me to continue the story line from the Splotchy Virus. Here is the start of the meme . This is the beginning of the story: I had been shuffling around the house for a few hours and already felt tired. The doorbell rang. I opened the front door and saw a figure striding away from the house, quickly and purposefully. I looked down and saw a bulky envelope. I picked it up. The handwriting was smudged and cramped, and I could only make out a few words. Bubs continues with: I looked up and down the street but didn’t see any delivery truck, or any car for that matter. No FedEx, no UPS , no creepy-looking porno'd-out conversion van with a half-assed delivery service sign taped to its side. Nothing. It's like delivery man just disappeared. I stepped back inside, re-set the deadbolts and took a closer look at the envelope. Mentally I ran through the checklist of letter bomb warning signs. The handwriting on the envelope, smudged and cramped as it was, was la...

Chris over at Some Guys Blog posted the original , now comes the new and improved Bill with madd techno skillz!! glumbert - The O'Reilly Remix

A man and a woman were driving down the road and arguing about his deplorable infidelity. Suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off. Angrily, she tosses it out the car window. Driving behind the couple are a man and his 9-year-old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the penis smacks the pickup on the windshield. It sticks for a moment, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?" Not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey." The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says... "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?" http://www.instantrimshot.com/ (CLICK IT, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!)

My friend Tim comes up with a lot of great stuff and sent me this yesterday. Give it a watch, it is wonderful. Another item that I saw yesterday was a great column by Bill Johnson of The Rocky Mountain News. It speaks of the loss of a Marine in a small town, a scene that plays out far too many times each day we spend in this war. http://www.rockymountainnews.com/news/2008/may/13/johnson-outside-the-spotlight-grief/

I took a couple of photos of my surgery site to share while under the influence of great pain killers, because that's what everyone wants to see, right? Sure you do... They had to cut it open, couldn't get the repair done with a scope, so the recovery will be longer. I was hoping for a better outcome. All the yellow is bruising, which is kind of a weird color, but I am told it's normal. So how do you tie your shoes when you only have one hand? The answer is you don't, you go get slide-locks for the laces! Very handy little things they are. As I look at my pictures I am struck by how grey I have become! Holy shit, first my beard now chest hairs, what is up with that!?

Longtime, observant, readers of my blog will no doubt remember that I am from English miner stock, around the area of Cornwall. The genes of these great workhorse men still course through my body today, especially in the area of the tender sex and love-making. I can't begin to count the times I have been asked, "Skydad, where did you learn that wonderful move?" Well, OK, it was once, and I think that was a dream... But That's not the point of this tale. The point is that we are all brilliant lovers, as this guide to the Englishman's love-making will point out. Read on: THE PREPARATION Friday Night is very much love-night for the English man. Arriving back from the pub, having partaken of the traditional English aphrodisiac - 12 pints, a black pudding supper and 3 pickled onions his mind set on one thing. LOVE! Or as he says himself "ma nookie". His lust at fever pitch after the sensuous excitement of a hard night's dominoes, he approaches his bel...

How to tell if you are Mom's favorite: The following are different answers given by school-age children to the given question: Why did God make mothers? 1.-She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2.-Think about it, it was the best way to get more people. 3.-Mostly to clean the house. 4.-To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1.- He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2.- Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3.- God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? 1.- We're related. 2.- God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me What ingredients are mothers made of? 1- God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2.-They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think. What kind of little girl was your mom? 1.- My...

An Amish couple was just married and went to a hotel for their wedding night. The New husband went to the front desk and asked for a room. He said it was their honeymoon and they wanted a very nice room. The clerk winked and asked, "Do you want the Bridal?" The Amish fellow thought about it a while and then replied, "No, I guess not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."

I am a couple of days late with this post, mostly due to workload and getting ready for surgery. But on May 6th, back in 1954, something very special to all of us runners happened. Roger Bannister ran the first sub-four-minute mile in recorded history. The 25-year-old native of Harrow on the Hill, England, completed the distance in 3:59.4 at Oxford. A hundred years ago or so, doctors actually wondered whether the human body could even run at such a speed without the heart and lungs simply bursting. Over time, though, as runners drew tantalyzingly closer to four minutes, it seemed to become more a psychological barrier than a physical one. In 1945, a Swede named Gundar Haegg lowered the record to 4:01:4. It seemed as if now the barrier would fall -- especially since the war was over and those other than Swedes could concentrate on running. But no. Nobody could even approach Haegg's mark. Four minutes seemed more elusive than ever. The Sports Illustrated writer Frank Deford wrote a...

Click on over to my sisters place and check out the new man in her life!

2 tendons repaired. bone spur removed. in a sling for 6 weeks. drugs are goooooooooooooooooood... that is all.

The best looking top of a head out in bloggerdom tagged me with a new meme, a list of lists. Thanks Beth, here we go... Ten years ago: I was working as a System Administrator at USWest (which has now been consumed by Qwest Communications). I was taking care of around 100 Sun, MIPS and HP Servers in two computer rooms in Denver and Minneapolis. I had to travel once or twice a month up there, and still have several friends who live up there. Skyler was 7, and we were just getting into how the school system works for a kid with special needs. Here is a hint, it sucks... 5 Things on todays to-do list: I am becoming more of a list maker, mostly because of my increasingly poor memory... 1. Take the Van in for brakes 2. Finish the landscaping wall in the front yard. 3. Buy beer. 4. Clean up dog poop. 5. Start new list for meme that has at least one fantastically interesting thing on it! (to be done later) If I were a Billionaire: Since this is Billion with a "B" and not a paltr...

Skyler has always been fascinated with the news, particularly the weather. We have been looking into possible jobs for him in the industry after he gets out of school next year. There are a couple of options that may be possible for him to do, dealing with archiving of stories or making DVDs of news stories that people request. It depends on whether or not his technology can run their stuff, and whether someone would want to take on a challenge like Skyler. We are hoping it can work out! We recently met with Tom Mustin and Brooke Wagner of the local CBS affiliate News4. They are both quite nice and answered a lot of questions Skyler had. We met Tom at a race and he ran along with us talking for awhile. Really great guy who has time for us "little people"! They told us about a funny promo video that their station put together for the News version of the Emmy awards. They won a couple of awards, and the video made it out to youtube. check it out, they made fun of themse...