Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps

Craig Ferguson thinks he is picking up on a bit of a vibe from the new GOP VP... This should help their campaign a whole lot.

He has a future in Karaoke! "That was a good job" "Yeah"

Line of Duty

THE TOWEL (From my friends up north in Minni-so-ta!) Ole married an attractive woman, Lena, half his age. After several months, Lena complained that she had never climaxed during sex, and, according to her Grandma, all Norwegian farm women are entitled to a climax once in a while. So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the large-animal Vet (since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in CROW WING County). The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and dad, Olga and Sven, would fan a cow that was having difficulty birthing a calf to cool her down and make her struggles easier. So, the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile, young man to wave a towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to climax. So the couple hired a young man from the big city of Minneapolis named Lars to wave a towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, still no climax. They went back to the Vet. The...

Matt and Al go for the gold! Click here , sorry, no embed function on this one.

Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark!

Very clever, but wouldn't you get tired of holding your arm up?

Just got back from Children's Hospital where I was donating blood. It's a regular thing for me, about every 3 months or so for quite some time. Anyway, since we have a lot of time invested at Children's with Skyler, we have permanent ID badges that we can wear to bypass security and walk right in. They look rather official, and I was walking down the hall toward the blood donation center when I was stopped by a little old lady outside of radiation. She just started asking me about her procedure! I tried to explain that I am not her doctor, but I guess I look a bit like him. One of the nurses came and lead her back into the waiting room where she was supposed to be, and as she walked away she said to the nurse, "I thought for sure that was my doctor, nobody dresses so poorly for a doctor!" The nurse snorted so hard stuff flew out of her, and she turned to see if I heard. I was just grinning at her to let her know I did.

Damned funny, this guy is great! Things You Don't Say To Your Wife - Watch more free videos

This is pretty fun, not too bad putting the sequencing together.

A chicken farmer went to a local bar and sat next to a woman. He ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 'What a coincidence,' he said, 'This is a special day for me. I'm celebrating.' 'This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!,' says the woman. 'What a coincidence,' says the farmer. As they clinked glasses he asked, 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!' 'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs.' 'That's great!' says the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I switched cocks,' he replied. She smiled and said, 'What a coincidence'

From Comcast news: MILWAUKEE — Police in Wisconsin say a woman celebrated her birthday by helping her teenage son rob two gas stations. Officers in the Milwaukee suburb of Greenfield say the 37-year-old woman acted as the getaway driver while her 17-year-old son robbed the stations at gunpoint. Authorities say the pair were in custody Wednesday awaiting charges. Their names were not released. Police say the teen was visiting from Chicago for his mother's birthday. And they say the woman's 13-month-old daughter and two boys ages 10 and 14 rode along during the robberies in Greenfield and Milwaukee. Greenfield police Deputy Inspector Bradley Wentlandt says the younger children have been turned over to child welfare.

Great moments in construction! Choose from the following exhibits and vote in the comments section. The winner won't receive jack squat, just get off my back OK? Truth be told, I just needed something to move those bad tats down the page a bit... 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

From my buddy Tim, who finds all the great stuff! Turn up the sound, and click away!

OK, so last week I decide on a day, bad tat Tuesday. Then I go and forget about it! Must be old-timers disease sneaking up on me. Or the blood loss, yeah that's it, blood loss! So you all get two for the price of one today, double the pleasure double the fun! Of course two of bad doesn't add up to better, does it?

I got nothing today, must be from donating blood this morning at Children's Hospital. Anyway, enjoy these...

From my friend Anne who lives up in Minnesota, a local story about a fawn following this beagle home and headed in right through the doggie door. He made himself at home on the couch along with the dog.

I would say this Spanish teacher has it down pat!

This is for Chris over at SomeGuy : Found at: http://icwdm.org/Inspection/browndroppingsbldg.asp

I have been remiss in not mentioning the talents of the great Sans Pantaloons for awhile, and I cannot thank him enough for this:

Twins separated at birth? You be the judge!

An 80-year-old man went for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor said, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" George replied, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off." "Wow, that's incredible," the doctor said. A little later in the day, the doctor called George's wife. "Ethel," he said, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that when he gets up during the night to go to the bathroom that, poof! The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! The light goes off?" "Oh, my Lord!" Ethel exclaimed, "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

Just got this from one of my old workmates from USWest days, and had to share.

There. I settled on a day. You can all breathe a little easier now... "Why yes, it is new. Glad you like it grandma!"

Just found out that Bernie died today at 50 from complications due to pneumonia in a Chicago area hospital. I thought the man was brilliant, and he had no fear in his performances. Check this out from early in his career, "I ain't scared of you motherfuckers!!"

See Captain Kirk For President! and more funny videos on FunnyOrDie.com See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Elderly Couple In Church An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says, "I just let a silent fart what do you think I should do?" He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Why do you ask? Keeping up with the bad tat series...

I love the Olympic games. I know, what the heck is so interesting about them? All the controversy and politics involved, it makes most people want to wish it would all go away. But I still love to watch them. I love competition, and especially love competition at it's best. When it is done right, and there isn't a message being thrown in your face, it brings out the best in us. I am drawn to the power, the beauty, the grace of athletes who are the best at what they do. And I am drawn to the stories behind the athletes, what they have given up to become the best. I like both Summer and Winter games, and have favorite sports in each. The Winter games are special to me because I used to race downhill back in the day, and in the Summer games I love to watch the mile and the 800 meters, because I used to run both of those events. I am also a fan of watching the marathon, because I have run that race and have friends that still run that distance. It is such a huge test o...

I have said it before, and I will say it again. European commercials are so much better than ours!

Michelangelo's David before leaving on a 6 month tour of the United States: Now, Michelangelo is returning to Italy: The US tour was proudly sponsored by: