Feb 6, 2008

The Insurance Form

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report that I weigh 135 lbs..

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowing only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground at the bottom and fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.. I refer you again to my weight
listed in block 11. As you can imagine, I began a rapid decent, down the side
of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin it's journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

12 comments:

  1. this sounds like an episode of Wiley Coyote.

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  2. We've all been there. Man, those college days were wild.

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  3. takes a strong man to admit such things...

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  4. Dude -- they did that one on Mythbusters! It was fun to watch as they tied a poor, unsuspecting crash test dummy to a rope and released the barrel of bricks...

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  5. They denied the claim because you forget to put your middle name on it didn't they?

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  6. so did the insurnace company pay the claim?

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  7. *doo wop doo wop*
    Those oldies but goodies remind me of yoooou...

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  8. And my insurance company would write back and say, "sucks to be you...denied."

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  9. I hope you feel better.

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  10. Uh...break a leg?

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  11. Dear Sir, Your claim for treatment wil be handled on an outpatient basis. We do not believe your injuries to be serious enough to warrant an overnight stay in the hospital. You will be released after examination and "treatment" in the emergency room with a bottle of $100.00 aspirin and a $20.00 bandaid.
    Thanks from your representative at Patheticare Insurance

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  12. Did you answer 'Yes please' to the sex question. They'll screw you on that one.

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