As A Service To All The Men Out There
The staff here at Some Days It's Not Worth Chewing Through The Leather Straps has decided to share some of the accumulated knowledge that comes with "aging up", as we like to call it in the running world.
Today's lesson for you younger guys is called "How to pee with morning wood". What guy hasn't had to try and figure this out? But with age comes experience, so here are some methods that perhaps you may not have come up with yet:
First up the method known as Strong Arming. Just be a man and bend that Johnson!
Second, we have the method known as The Lunge. It's better to get down at that bowl level, so you can level off.
Here we show The Flying Wallenda. Please note that this is an advanced move that should first be practiced with padding, and not with wood.
For the Yoga enthusiast, you can practice the Downward Dog.
A variation on the Lunge is called The Plank. Help build your core muscles at the same time as relieving yourself!
The most popular, but guys won't admit it, is called The Girly Man. We don't talk about it.
The Leg-Up Maneuver requires some strength, plus 3/4 inch sheet rock instead of 1/2 inch sheet rock. Please don't ask about how I know this.
Finally, my favorite is The Superman. It allows for proper relief while letting you play out comic book fantasies!
Today's lesson for you younger guys is called "How to pee with morning wood". What guy hasn't had to try and figure this out? But with age comes experience, so here are some methods that perhaps you may not have come up with yet:
First up the method known as Strong Arming. Just be a man and bend that Johnson!
Second, we have the method known as The Lunge. It's better to get down at that bowl level, so you can level off.
Here we show The Flying Wallenda. Please note that this is an advanced move that should first be practiced with padding, and not with wood.
For the Yoga enthusiast, you can practice the Downward Dog.
A variation on the Lunge is called The Plank. Help build your core muscles at the same time as relieving yourself!
The most popular, but guys won't admit it, is called The Girly Man. We don't talk about it.
The Leg-Up Maneuver requires some strength, plus 3/4 inch sheet rock instead of 1/2 inch sheet rock. Please don't ask about how I know this.
Finally, my favorite is The Superman. It allows for proper relief while letting you play out comic book fantasies!
I'm a plank man myself.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I can't relate...its pretty damn funny!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad I'm a female.
ReplyDeleteOr grind one out before hand.
ReplyDeleteWhat? No comment about how that last one means dipping Mr. Woody into cold water?
ReplyDeleteBut can you pound a steel spike through a 2x4?
ReplyDeleteI think menstrual cramps still top that problem.
I agree with Scope, wack that thing, they can't both come out at the same time.
ReplyDeleteMnmom - A 'Real Genius' quote? Niiiiiice.
ReplyDeleteYou can always run your hand under some cold water to cool down the situation.
And folks, it's not called a shower "stall" for nothin'!
The plank, huh? That explains the palm prints on the bathroom wall that keep mysteriously reappearing no matter how often I clean them.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting up early one morning just to see what my guy....oh, no I'm not. I hopelessly lazy and will just assume he does it in the most manly of ways.
ReplyDeleteI've known a LOT of Girly Men.
ReplyDeleteThat's also the benefit of getting older, you actually can pee with morning wood.
ReplyDeletei agree with cormac as we get older many things change...
ReplyDeleteI just step into the wardrobe and let rip.
ReplyDeleteWow. Until this moment, I THOUGHT I was fairly educated. Now I realize there is so much I DID NOT KNOW.
ReplyDeleteI guess this makes up for the fact you all can just whip it out and pee anywhere outdoors with no fuss and we ladies have to go find an appropriate bush or shrub, find an acrobatic position that allows us to choreograph matters so we don't a) pee on our feet, b) pee on our pants, c) fall over and land in pee.
It's a balance of nature.
So I tried the upside down one... it didnt go too well.
ReplyDeleteAs Elaine said, "I don't know how you fellas walk around with those things."
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'm LOVING that Superman pose. I wonder if a girl could pull that off too?.... Of course, not in my bathroom, which is the size of a gym locker.
Very funny and I'm glad I didn't try to look at this at work. Ha ha.
ReplyDelete