Rejection Lines Translated
From my friend Merle, Top 10 rejection lines from the Male and female perspective translated for you.
Top 10 Male Rejection Lines (Translated!)
10. I think of you as a sister.
Translation: You're ugly.
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
Translation: You're ugly.
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
Translation: You're ugly.
7. My life is too complicated right now.
Translation: You're ugly.
6. I've got a girlfriend.
Translation: You're ugly.
5. I don't date women where I work.
Translation: You're ugly.
4. It's not you, it's me.
Translation: You're ugly.
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
Translation: You're ugly.
2. I'm celibate. Translation:
You're ugly.
1. Let's be friends. Translation:
You're sinfully ugly.
Top 10 Female Rejection Lines (Translated!)
10. I think of you as a brother.
Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in 'Deliverance.'
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
Translation: I don't want to do my dad.
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
Translation: You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.
7. My life is too complicated right now.
Translation: I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.
6. I've got a boyfriend.
Translation: I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.
5. I don't date men where I work.
Translation: I wouldn't date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.
4. It's not you, it's me.
Translation: It's you.
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
Translation: Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.
2. I'm celibate.
Translation: I've sworn off only the men like you.
1. Let's be friends.
Translation: I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male perspective thing.
Women are much more complicated!
#9 cracked me up because I fought my man's attention since he's nearly 7 years older than me. Obviously, I got over it...it helps that he doesn't have gray hair, like my dad. lol!
ReplyDeleteGuilty as charged on women's excuses #1, #8, and #10. But seriously, what the fuck, the guy played a dulcimer. What was I supposed to do?
ReplyDeleteI once had a guy give me a variation of the male "I'm celibate" excuse. I'm quoting directly here, "I used to be in a Catholic seminary, and I could NEVER FORGIVE YOU if we had sex if you didn't want to get married." Fucking cocksucker, his dick could do the fucking but he couldn't forgive me? He was lucky I didn't run his ass over that night.
J.J.: & years doesn't seem like a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteKirby: I wish I had a buck for each time I heard "I don't think of you in that way". I could buy Microsoft!
And I think you really should have slept with that guy, then gone Lorraina Bobbet on him.
You forgot "I have a terrible migraine and I really need to go home NOW!!
ReplyDeleteHe asked why I had a problem with the age thing and I said, "I don't want to be a young widow."
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind, this was on the 1st date and I had already told him that I had no desire to get married. I'm still shocked that he didn't run away, screaming, at my logic. lol!
That reminds me of a line from "Fear of a Black Hat," which was pretty much the rap version of Spinal Tap.
ReplyDelete"What's the difference between a whore and a b*tch? A whore is a woman who'll sleep with anyone. A b*tch is a woman who'll sleep with anyone but you."
Men are so simple...
ReplyDeleteWomen are so powerful...
That was funny.
@ J.J. - you told him you had no desire to get married. I think that was exactly why he stuck around, lol! You said exactly the right thing. :)
ReplyDeleteY'know, there may actually be a grain of truth to some of that.
ReplyDelete