Jan 30, 2010

Get Ready To Burn Up The Plastic!

Update: Sorry for this since I swore I would never turn on word verification. But now that the robots found me, I seem to get a couple of anon spams each posting. So I had to turn it on...

That's right, get those credit cards out (well the few that still have any available funds) and lets get ready to do some online shopping!! I found these at a website that collects silly items and just had to share. Lets all see what you have been missing in your sad lives, and rectify the situation post haste!

Nice. As if wearing a pith helmet didn't make you look a tad geeky anyway, lets add some hardware.

How much time are you spending talking on your phone if you need wrist support?

OK, this is actually a big WANT for me. I could entertain the folks at my lavish parties with stories about how I brought the beasty down with my elephant gun just yards away from my feet.

Say what? I don't get the idea here. Keep your arm warm? Keep it in a permanently bent position?

Just turn the damn light on already!

Only 119 bucks, a steal.

Tired of your Snuggie? Spill too many chips and dip on your Slanket? You and your partner need to wear this together!

Fire good! Especially in my cubicle!!

But he just stands there. If he hovered around in a mini UFO, then we might have something.

Daddy, why does that man have Rudolph impaled on his trailer hitch?

I find that death metal makes my poop come out faster.

It's double sided so after you rip all the back hair off the first pass, you can just flip it over for a light scrub.

Boy doesn't that look comfortable! I haven't seen a more relaxed position since, well, my last "exam" back there...

A big hit with folks who recently awoke from a coma and can't raise their hands yet.

Another big WANT for me, just to piss off the neighborhood association.

I get so fatigued holding my wine at parties. I need to go home in a bit and sit in my Levo Book Holder Chair.

Nowadays this guy gets wrestled to the ground in 30 seconds after putting that baby on!

Accessorize your rotator cuff surgery.

Oh come on now. We all know that Fernando is a PIG, not a yappy dog!!

Jan 29, 2010

Hitting To All Fields

Hi Everyone, just wanted to thank everyone for the nice comments I received on and off blogger. I truly appreciate it. Life is getting a bit, no, a lot frantic lately. We have fewer people to do so much work, and to top it off this wonderful electronic archive and publishing tool we use to put our technical documents on the web site has been throwing up constantly. So we do the work, do the work again, then follow up and do the same thing a third time. Infuriating!

We had an interesting morning, Kathy captured it in her Facebook status:
The morning is off to an interesting start..Skyler was awake and laughing at 4:30am until he got up at 6:30am. Then Montana came in from outside with a very sore leg, she couldn't walk, was whining and yelping in pain, even peed on the carpet. But then after a lot of comforting and some cheese with Rimadyl she is all better and ready for breakfast! I'm ready to go back to bed and start over! The day has to get better!

So now that excitement is over, on with the morning...

We got a new sliding glass door for the back off the house that goes out to the deck and back yard. Our old original was falling apart, and I had built my own dog door that we have had for years. Needless to say, it wasn't very efficient in keeping the cold out of the house. We got this one from the same company that we got some windows from a year ago, and they are great to work with. The bonus of this door? Dog door built in! Built in win for us!!

Sweet, eh?

Further updates as events warrant around here, everyone have a great weekend!

Jan 28, 2010

How to Report the News

BBC reporter Chris Booker gives a special report on every boring special report that you've ever seen on the news.

How To Report The News - Watch more Funny Videos

Men Eating Out

My friend Tim sent this joke to me, and I just had to pass it along:

A group of 40 year old men discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea since they have never been there before.

Jan 25, 2010

Bad Tat Tuesday, it's baaaaack!

Haven't been posting much lately, but I have some new ink that I know you are all dieing to see!

First out of the gate, this lovely lady from LiLu, thanks for thinking of me! I think...

Pretty cute, but you would have to walk around sucking your thumb all day.

I just can't even imagine how much these two hurt to get!

Actually, that is some pretty detailed work.

The queen of the tramp stamps?

Drew better not ever change leagues! Maybe he should have invested in a memo mate?

Saving the best for last, or worst for last, take your pick. I will never be able to look at a croissant the same way again.

Always Ask, Never Assume

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight..

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

Jan 24, 2010

A Mothers Poem

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned and
smacked the shit out of him...

Like his mother used to do.

Jan 22, 2010

I've Got Nothing

Seriously folks, I have nothing to talk about. I am tapped out. Do you want to see another stupid video, or just want me to close this place down?

OK, that sounds more depressing than it really is, but I have been thinking of shutting this down for awhile. Or maybe just posting every once in awhile when something half-assed interesting happens.

The only thing that has been happening is my rearranging things:

So Kathy and I have been talking for a couple of weeks about moving some things around in our house. I had a small little desk in my office, and she had this huge “L” shaped entertainment system that I talked her into a couple of years ago. So I told her I needed more room, you want less clutter, let me just switch them with each other. She thought that was a good idea… Until I got half way through and had the whole house filled with junk because I had to empty 2 rooms at the same time!
I am just getting things back together, and she doesn’t like the little desk. So she is shopping online for a larger desk. Sigh…

Jan 19, 2010

Never Lose Sight Of Grandpa

Here's a real heart-warmer of a story that is sure to make your day!

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said,
"I've lost my grandpa!"
"The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
"Crown Royal whiskey and ladies with big boobs."

Jan 17, 2010

Another look at advertisements gone by

I never did post a second collection of old time ads after I did this one, so let me dust off this folder and get this party started! Some of these are real old, and others not so much, but will seem old!

I can't forget an advertisement from the lard council, just because I love it so much.

Does anybody recall ever hearing of somebody falling out of a car? I mean seriously, was this a big problem?

Forget the leg lamp, now we have a serious conversation piece! "That's right Bob, he was eatin at mah bird feeder and I unloaded on him with ol Bessy here. Gave him both barrels! I'm just surprised there was enough of him left to make a lamp out of.

Back before the steroid era, there was only one thing that helped athletes reach peak performance. Toasted cigarettes!

You think Volkswagen lost any sales from pissed off women for the obvious discrimination?

Back before boom boxes.

But this is really cool! Who needs an mp3 player?

The ads that look the most dated for not being that old are computer ads. It is really amazing how far technology has come in a not so long time.

Here are 3 from when computers came in two flavors, IBM of Apple. When I worked at NBI, we had one of those IBM computers that is the last photo. The price was 11,000 and change!!

Jan 16, 2010

Start your weekend with a funny

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!'

'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 note.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling..

The smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.

'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement. '

Jan 14, 2010

Sky-Dad Fact...

It really doesn't matter how hard you try, you are never going to be "Lion in a sidecar centrifugal force driver" awesome.

Jan 13, 2010

Help For Old Men

With all the facebook talk about what color bra you were all wearing, I thought I would bring to your attention a problem that has been around for older men for years...

Jan 12, 2010

Dog Senses Arcata Earthquake

Check out this video from a news station, the dog bolts away seconds before the shaking starts and people start to freak. Who says animals don't have keen senses?

Dog Senses Arcata Earthquake at News Station - Watch more Funny Videos

Jan 10, 2010

Colorado lost a friend, and a good man

I was saddened to read that Charlie Meyers lost his battle with cancer last week. Charlie was a writer that I grew up with here in Colorado who worked at the Denver Post for as long as I remember. He started covering the skiing industry, then covered all of the outdoors and recreational activities here including hunting and fishing. When I was growing up, and the USA ski program was really in it's infancy, he helped to bring it to the forefront like it was in Europe. He covered 6 Olympics, and the great Billy Kidd from Steamboat Springs called him one of the most important voices for skiing.

Rather than bore you with my poor ability to eulogize him, read these two columns from a couple of pro writers that might give you an idea of the man.

By Woody Paige

By Jason Blevens and John Meyer

Especially read Woody's, he is a fantastic sports writer!

Jan 9, 2010

Laid off by Balmer because he didn't say "bing"

I find it hard to believe this low level dude was in a meting that Balmer attended, but his take is still funny as hell!

Dude Gets Fired By Steve Balmer - Watch more Funny Videos

Jan 7, 2010

Fire That Agency: For Kat

I am over at Fire That Agency today, trying my best to be profound. It ain't workin...

Jan 6, 2010

Random Video: One Man Band Boston Cover

Wow, just wow! From the youtube info:

A cover version of Boston's "Foreplay/Long Time" presented in split screen. Jon Baglo playing all the instruments. Spencer Needham doing all the bg vocals. And featuring the amazing David Steele on lead vocal.
Here's David's web site:

Note re: the drums... You're hearing take two... a continuous performance with no punch-ins or fixes. Unfortunately, I could not be there to videotape it. So Jon did ONE more take just for the video camera. Hence the discrepancies . I'd say 3 or 4 mismatches during a re-enactment of over 7.5 minutes of drumming is pretty good.

Jan 5, 2010

The Return of Bad Tat Tuesday

I guess it is about time to dig through the tat files and find some more things to entertain, er, frighten you with. The holidays are over, most folks are back to work but still in holiday mode, so as a public service I am here to shock you back into reality.

What can I say? I'm a giver!

Anywhowhatsas, away we go. No themes, just random horrible ink... Lets start off with Christmas, since we are still feeling all joyous and crap!

See's you when you are sleeping, he does!

I don't think the tots need anything from this freak.

I can't read the words, but it doesn't matter. I am sure it still sucks, as does his attitude.

If you can't commit to being a cutter, just commit to the tat.

Special tat sent to me by my friend Cindy, it always means a lot to me when people care enough to save hideous thing for me!

What the holy hell???

Specializing in scary children for over 15 years!

Zombie hunting Elvis?

Pretty freaky even without the cartoon style 3 fingered hands.

Hey, I'm as big a fan as anybody of the JD, but still...

Cormac sent me this lovely Rachael Ray fan tat. Thanks buddy! Look at it from across the room and her beady dark eyes follow you.

Freddy isn't scary enough as is, now he has to be a Nazi.

Am I even seeing this correctly, wings and 3 legs???

This is classy, looks like flies gathering around some type of sore of scab on your foot.

Brace myself? With tie-downs, straps, what??

My Brother in law Chuck sent this to me, with the explanation "This man had what he thought was the best tattoo in the world.... Until he went to prison." Love it!

Last but not least, yet another reader submission (I am so proud of corrupting you all). This is from JJ in LA, and I think it wins this edition hands down. If for no other reason than she pulled the whole look together with the cute gloves...