Dec 26, 2008

Honest Scrap tag, the Doc answers!

First response to my modified meme from the ExPat. That Doc character got right after it, thanks very much sir! Lots of great questions in here, so here we go:

What does Skyler weigh? I'm just curious because I was thinking about how you would have to lift him in and out of the tub, the chair, the van, etc. and I wondered if that would give you trouble with your back. And his chair has got to be a monster to lug in and out of the van.

Skyler about 100 pounds, and together with his chair it is about 180 or so. Getting him around is a bit of a chore, but I have learned different techniques for moving him. The problem with moving him is that he can't help, and in some cases hinders the movement because he can't control his limbs. For example, I might pick him up out of his shair to transfer him somewhere else and all the sudden his torso and legs shoot out completely straight so it's like holding a long board.

As far as questions for yourself, I think I've got a few. Have you ever been arrested, and if so, for what?

I was busted in the Navy for being in a park after curfew. Me and my buddy were too drunk to make it all the way back to the ship before peeing, so we cut across a park that was off limits to use a tree. Not exactly a menace to society, huh?

What is the dumbest thing you have ever done while drunk?

Driven my 4X4 all over the place drinking. This was part of growing up in the mountains. We would 4 wheel into a place we knew the cops couldn't get to to party, but then we had to 4 wheel out while drunk. I did it more times than I can count, I should be dead!

You have often mentioned that you have "no game" with the ladies but surely in your past there have been a few before your lovely wife. Who was the weirdest and most psychotic of the bunch?

Hands down it was a lady in San Diego I "dated" for 6 months while stationed there. She was 39 and looked like Elaine from Taxi, I was 21 and a skinny runner which she prefered to her overweight Navy chief husband who was deployed for those 6 months. That's why I use the term "dated" loosely. It was all about the sex, she would call, I would go over, she would do unnatural things to me, and I would leave. Sounds great to most guys, but it was just a bit weird...

What did the Navy recruiter say that convinced you to sign up? And why the Navy?

I signed up on my own, just decided I didn't know what to do with my life or what I wanted to study in college. So I signed up with the Navy to get the GI bill, and because you got to see the world.

Do you have any tattoos? If so, describe them in detail. Would you consider getting a new one, and if so of what?

Amazing as it sounds, I made it through the Navy without any ink! I almost got a squadren emblem because I was invited to by an ASW group that I controlled. It was considered a high honor, but the tat would have been an Eagle carrying two torpedoes in its talons in a dive towards a sub. The motto across the bottom was "Death from Above". I had a glimps of my future in what I hoped would be an interview with a high-tech firm and thought against it. Turns out I had nothing to fear, most of the people I know have a tat of some sort.

You enjoy singing, so what do you sing in the shower or car when no one else is around?

Stuff that I learned way back when I was in a couple of different singing groups. In my mind I hear the other people singing the melody and I still belt out the harmony, or the "do-waps".

Elvis or The Beatles, which do you prefer?

I was never a Beatles fan, so given just those two, it would be Elvis.

What is your worst nightmare ever?

Having Skyler slip out of my grasp on a hill and roll forever down a huge hill and crashing into a lake. It was very real, and I don't remember too many dreams.

How long have you been wearing facial hair? Does the wife like it?

Started growing a beard in 1978, and have only shaved it off a couple of times. I first started it to hide some old acne scars, but now it's part of me. Kathy likes it, she doesn't like stubble, she likes soft hair, rubbing here and there...

What's the best dirty joke you ever heard?

One day in the old folks home, George politely asks Joan if she will come into the corner with him and hold his cock. Joan accepts the invitation, they go off into the corner and she holds George's cock, and everything is okay.

This goes on every day for a few days until Joan sees George in the corner with Daisy one afternoon. Joan is a little upset and later that day she asks George why he is letting Daisy hold his cock now and not her?

George replies apologetically, "Well Joan it was very nice with you but you don't have Parkinson's disease like Daisy".

What is the worst pick-up line you have ever used?

"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" (I did this on a bet in a bar in Denver, surprisingly, it didn't turn out well)

Tell me about where you grew up and what was good about it.

Idaho Springs Colorado. Population about 1500, it is 40 miles west of Denver in the mountains. The best part is that I had the best of both worlds. Growing up in a small town atmosphere, but still had everything that a big city like Denver close enough to get there if you needed it. I had a tight group of friends, and everyone looked out for each other. Not much crime, typical small town living. And the best part was the mountains, I really miss them being down here in the suburbs.

Do you have a crazy relative? Do you like them?

My Dads sister was pretty crazy, aunt Bev had a constant supply of two Chiquaqua's at all times. Knitted them little sweaters, carried them everywhere, and considered them her little family. More so than the rest of us that were her family.

What did your Father-In-Law say to you when you told him you wanted to marry his daughter?

I didn't ask permission, Kathy told him we were getting married. She was spot on about our living together, she said her mom would like it that she had a guy around and her dad would hate me until we were married. After we told him we were getting married, all the sudden I was a great guy.

Have you ever pooped and it looked like a famous person, place or thing?

Nope, but I marvel at my body's ability to put out an amazing variety of textures and colors. I am somewhat of a pooping savant.

Name a game you like to cheat at.

Sounds silly but I really don't care to cheat at anything. If I can't win honestly, there isn't any fun in the victory.

Have you ever shaved an animal just for fun?

No, I have never picked on any animal in my life. I have always liked animals better than people in most cases! ;^)

Who was your best friend in High School and what were they like?

Dennis, he was my same age, his parents grew up next door to my grandparents. We knew each other before we were in Kindergarten. Dennis and I like everything the same, played the same games, same sports, even liked the same girls. We were the same size, and wore the same size shoe. in basket ball, we would buy shoes that were different colors and trade one of them to wear in games. I mean how awesome is that!?

You are a sentimental old sod much like myself. What movie brings you to tears everytime?

Brian's Song, the king of sappy sports movies!

Have you ever attempted to hula dance and how did that turn out?

Why yes, in Hawaii when I was stationed at Pearl Harbor. I was poor at first and got quite good as the night wore on and several drinks were had. At least I think I got good, the audience was cheering at me/my stupidity...

What is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to you?

When I worked in computer support at USWest, there was a guy who just wasn't getting it, and I went over to his cube to help him out. I explained why he was having his problem in a number of different ways and then walked him through what he needed to get done. After all this he said "you are a very nice and a patient person, you must have had great parents". I thought that by complimenting my folks, that was the nicest way he could have paid me a compliment.

Which is your dominant hand and does you "package" lean that way or the other way?

Right handed and my left hand is largely ornamental! I am so right handed that when I had shoulder surgery on my right side I thought I would never get my butt wiped! And my unit hangs down to the left, but I have heard there is a large majority of men that hang that way. This was a completely scientific poll conducted by the lady I knew in San Diego...

What is GetkristiLove really like in person? Have you ever met her sister Vikkitickitavi? What is she like? How did you meet them originally?

Kristi and I have known each other since we both worked together at a large computer company. I don't think she likes giving out the name, so I won't. We were both training course developers, and got to know each other through work. We probably started becoming friends when we found out we both liked climbing and the outdoors, and oh yes, drinking...

Her sister Vikki and I met one time when she was in town visiting. We went to one of Kristi's Ice Monkey games and then for beers afterwords. As Vikki found out, I tend to hug a lot and I am sure that my hugs were one of the high points of her life.

Do you have brothers and sisters? What are they like?

I have 1 sister who is the greatest! She and I have got along all of our lives. A lot of people thought we were strange because we never fought growing up. She would drive to school or ride to school with her friends and even offer me a ride. What sister wants her little brother around? She was, and still is awesome!

By your definition, what is a good friend?

Most friends will help you hide, a true friend will help you hide a body.

What is the best advice your dad ever gave you or the most useful thing he taught you?

As far as advice goes, I don't remember any one piece that stood out from the others. But he taught me to always work hard in my job, and he gave me my sense of humor. I will leave it to others to decide if this sense of humor is a good thing or a bad thing! ;^)

(In Frued's voice) Tell me about your mother?

We always thought that mom was a womens libber before it became popular. She worked when other moms didn't, we learned to help her out around the house when we were young, and she was not about to let me out into the world until i could cook, clean, and sew on my own. I remember one of my sisters boyfriends coming over for dinner, and when we were done we all got up and started clearing the table and washing dishes. They boyfriend was perplexed because he thought that was womens work... Oops!

You often claim that you "steal" ideas for posts from other bloggers. Who do you steal from most?

I steal from you, Doc, and Johnny Yen the most. I think you both have great ideas and write wonderfully!

You wrote a wonderful Christmas story about an old man and his dog. Would you consider writing more short stories for your blog and what would they be about?

I should have quoted the source of that story Doc, because I didn't write it. It was from Chicken Soup for the Pet Lovers Soul. Thanks for thinking I had that in me though... If I write any short stories it would probably be about my childhood, the Navy, or Skyler.

If you could arrange for all of your blogger buddies to meet up, where would it be and what would we do?

It would be here in Colorado, and I would treat you all to a trip up into the high mountains. To me, that is the real Colorado. When I was growing up, we considered anything east of the foothills above Denver as being in Kansas. Everyone should get to experience standing on top of one of the highest peaks, listening to nothing but wind, a river, or maybe an occasional Marmot. You should also get to see two bighorn sheep collide while setting their turf, or an elk bugle during rutting season!

If you knew your boss was using drugs on the job, even though it didn't seem to affect his performance, would you tell someone?

Not unless my boss was a danger to anybody else, or causing me extra work. I really, really don't like extra work!

What is the worst thing you have ever tasted?

Balut - From Wikopedia: A balut (Trứng vịt lộn or Hột vịt lộn in Vietnamese, Pong tea khon in Cambodian) is a fertilized duck (or chicken) egg with a nearly-developed embryo inside that is boiled and eaten in the shell.

I had this in the Philippines and you only have it once!

What famous person would you most like to have sex with?

Once, or for the rest of my life? ;^) I assume you mean once, and it is all OK with everyone, so I think I would choose somebody that you probably wouldn't think is all that hot, like Jennifer Gardner, who would look great even on a raft trip. My buddies and I coined the term she's raft trip for any girl we thought would look great without any making up at all, or after 3 days of a raft trip. That is true beauty, and what attracts me.

If you could go back in time, where would you go and what would you do?

All the way back to the dinosaur era to see if they were the big lumbering giants we thought or if some of the new theory's about them being pretty fast are true. I would want to stay all the way up to whatever comet or big event caused the mass extinction, and zip off just before the big explosion.

Name three really painful things.

#1 for me is getting hit in my right shin. I have broken that bone in the front twice, and to even touch it forcefully now makes me scream. #2 is the typical shot to the nads, ala Bond in the casino Royal remake. I think that scene made every guy sqirm in his seat a bit. #3 is emotional pain, thinking about Skyler living longer than me and having no one to care for him properly.

I could go on but that ought to be enough to get you started. As I was writing these it occured to me that some might be ones I've asked before. If so, skip 'em, unless you would like to have your new readers know this much about you.

May it rain Guinness and you are lucky enough to have the pool empty.


The pleasure was all mine Doc! Now everyone else can join in, please drop questions you want answered in the comments or via email. Remember, you can ask me anything!


  1. I'm inspired to shave the dogs just for fun now.

  2. Wow now that's a real interview! I learned a lot about you!
    And the third painful thing almost made me tear up.

  3. "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"
    I wonder if they have a t-shirt
    like that yet??

  4. Anonymous8:15 AM

    "raining Guinness".... I'd love to see the day..

  5. Great post. And which weirdo asked the poop question?

  6. Anonymous11:51 AM

    I liked the raft trip comment. My wife is a bit heavy set and attractive, although not what most men would consider a "classic" beauty. However, she wears very little or no makeup and looks great! Such beautiful skin even at 55. My first wife had all kinds of guys drooling over her when we were married. News flash...I woke up to her every morning and without five pounds of makeup she wasn't that great!:)

  7. I'm tickled that I could provide so much blog-fodder. I never expected a post of my own. I just tried to ask interesting questions that newbies to your blog might ask, like questions about your sexual encounters, tattos, eating habits and such. I was expecting to be a footnote, not an entire post.


  8. Okay, I'll fess up. I'm the weirdo who asked "the poop question". I just had to know..

  9. Idaho Springs. I broke a chair in the buffalo restaurant there. Sat down and the chair collapsed Wood chair, too.

  10. Anonymous3:20 PM

    Balut?! Are you freaking kidding with that stuff? That's nasty.

  11. Wow you actually ate Balut??? I'm filipino and even I don't touch that stuff.

    I don't think it's the taste more so the fact that my brother once took the embryo out of the shell and made it pretend walk towards me on a table when we were little.


  12. I feel so... boring now.

    You got arrested for peeing? Wow...

  13. Great post! See?! Who's writing the long and excellent posts now, hmm?! :-)

    I have a question: (forgive my backstory first though) I have a neurological history too. Not CP like Skyler, but I had a bloodclot in my spinal cord which caused all kinds of damage. Long story. But for awhile I was in a wheelchair, unable to take care of myself or my daughter in any way. And I graduated to a walker, then a cane, and beyond, blah, blah, blah. But I lost friends along the way because of it. I guess they just didn't know what to say or couldn't take seeing me like that. When I needed help most, some "friends" just couldn't look me in the eye and then completely disappeared. Did you face anything like that when Skyler was born? Did anyone just run off on you like a coward with their tail between their legs because they just didn't know what to say? Also, do you ever get angry with the universe for all you, your son and your family have to go through and how unfair it is?

    Thanks for letting us all be nosy here! That's really amazing of you. And thanks for sharing Skyler with us. I'm really touched by him! If there's one thing that gets me right through the heart, it's a neurological feat! Skyler is such a trooper!!!! And so are you, of course! :-)

  14. So we're all meeting in Colorado then? Let me pack my things...

  15. Anonymous12:08 PM

    wow this is really a good interview. I just love it.

  16. Fascinating. Seriously. I read it all. You're quite brave. I could never be that honest. Even with myself.