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Showing posts from 2006

City of New Orleans Jazz band

Fantastic moment on Studio 60... This was awesome!

Can Santa Be Black?

From the our-kids web site, a constant source of inspiration: Can Santa Be Black? by B.J. Wrights It happened in the kindergarten class, Right at the table where they were having snack. Joanie asked the question and they all sat back. "Mr. Slater? Can Santa Claus be black? Poor Mr. Slater didn't know what to say, Christmas vacation was twenty days away. There were snowflakes to cut and Window wreaths to be hung, Christmas cards to be painted, And Christmas songs to be sung. He hadn't time to think What Christmas was about, In twenty more days, School would be out! Why couldn't they wait And ask their questions then, When mommies and daddies Were home to answer them? "Mr. Slater? Can Santa be thin?" "Is Santa Claus always a him?" Mr. Slater looked at twenty pairs of eyes, Twenty children of every shape and size. He ate a bit of cracker and finished his drink. "Children," he said, "I'll need some time to think." As soon as cla

In honor of our award winner...

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We are in the midst of greatness folks, vikkitikkitavi over at Bells On is the winner of "Least Influential Political Blog." And since she credits her Hoosier hometown, I thought this comic could be renamed Phone call to Indiana for a day.

Here's the answer GKL..

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GETkristiLOVE points out many of the great points of a big snowstorm in her blog. In response to her question of when was the last time you had to shovel your deck, the answer would be when the snow depth exceeds the height of your dogs ability to poop. It's at that point you go out and start clearing "zones" for your poochies to do their duty!

The good news is your lungs look good!

Woman Puts Baby Through Airport X-Ray By Associated Press LOS ANGELES - A woman mistakenly put her 1-month-old grandson through an X-ray machine at Los Angeles International Airport, authorities said. A startled security worker noticed the shape of a child on the carry-on baggage screening monitor and immediately pulled him out, the Los Angeles Times reported for a story in Wednesday's editions. The infant was taken to a local hospital, where doctors determined he did not receive a dangerous dose of radiation. "This was an innocent mistake by an obviously inexperienced traveler," said Paul Haney, deputy executive director of airports and security for the city's airport agency. The incident happened early Saturday, airport officials said.

Political Cartoon genius

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From yesterdays paper, simple, yet brilliant.

Tis the season

Christmas is fast approaching and as my public service to all of you fine folks out there, here is a link to The 10 most dangerous play things of all time Everyone could probably guess #1 on the list, yep, Lawn Darts! Who hasn't read about some kid in the E.R. with 6" of cold steel embedded in their skull? But the one that shocked me was #2...

And now for today's headlines...

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I must have missed this covered on CNN. It's a shame to don't spend more time on the truly important stories.

Nobody wants to see your baby factory

Saw this on SNL, and it was one of the few things that was funny about the show. The SNL news still rocks, and this segment was excellent!

Runnin, runnin, runnin, keep those doggies runnin...

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Finally got some pictures back from Brightroom that we ordered way back. These were taken at a run we did that was pretty fun, it took you through Coors field where the Rockies play, then Through the Pepsi Center across the ice where the Aves play, and finished at Mile High where the Broncos play. It was very fun to go through these venues instead of a typical run where you just motor along the streets or through some park. That's me pushing and my wife in the red beside me!

Sorry I've been a little out of touch

Hi everyone, getting set up for my new job and going through all of the work of orientation, setting up a home office, and generally trying to learn how to learn again is taking it's toll. I didn't realize how much spare time I had until I lost it, know what I mean? One of my recent indulgences has been to read the stories from Iraq and Afghanistan that are posted in The Sandbox . G.B. Trudeau, the writer of Doonsbury has put up a milblog for the folks serving over there to say whatever they want. The stories are fascinating, and you get all angles. From the gung-ho to the support personnel and the front lines just trying to come home with all of their appendages. It's worth a read if you want the real poop from the front...

Toys for Tots Agrees to Take Jesus Doll

Associated Press reports that the Marine Reserves' Toys for Tots program has decided to accept a donation of Bible-quoting Jesus dolls, reversing course after saying earlier this week that it couldn't take them. Earlier this week, the program declined a suburban Los Angeles company's offer to donate 4,000 of the foot-tall talking dolls. The battery-powered Jesus is one of several Bible-based dolls manufactured by one2believe, a division of the Valencia-based Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Co. I think they should go one step further and use the whole action figure set ! Yeah, yeah, I know... It's the rocket sled to hell for finding this funny...

Torn, with David Armand and Natalie Imbruglia

Remember the video floating around with David doing a pantomime of the song torn? Now he is joined onstage by Natalie Imbruglia, this is very good!

There is a special section in hell for people like this

HAGERSTOWN, Md. - A man pleaded guilty in the deaths of his ex-girlfriend's four small kittens, which were tossed into a fire pit after the couple argued. Robert Tomlin, 22, of Smithsburg was sentenced Monday to 1 1/2 years in jail for aggravated animal cruelty. Washington County Circuit Judge John McDowell suspended the sentence except for the 134 days Tomlin has served since his arrest. In the plea bargain, charges of assault for allegedly striking former girlfriend Kelli Ann Green and destruction of property were dropped. "Taking defenseless animals as you have, and destroying them ... there is no excuse for that," McDowell told Tomlin. Washington County prosecutor Robert Veil said Tomlin had been drinking July 2 and Green left after he hit her, leaving her ear bloody. "When she returned to the residence, she heard a hissing in the fire," Veil said, and discovered the burning corpses of the kittens. She said Tomlin told her from jail that

GIVE ME METH AND MAN ASS ON A SUNDAY MORNING

I know I am late to the party on this topic, but I came across this great piece by Paul Hipp. Check it out and everybody sing along!

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night...

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This Friday will be my last day at Sun Microsystems, and yeah, this is kind of how it feels! After surviving countless lay-offs, who knows how many re-orgs, and the new top-heavy organization changes, it was just time to go. And I am not somebody who moves around or job hops a lot. I was at my first big company for 11 years, the second company for 10, and now Sun for 7. I remember at my interview at Sun, one of the project managers, Neal, asked where the rest of my job history was on my resume. He had never seen anybody with just two companies listed. So, the only regrets are at leaving friends behind, and I will miss the day to day interaction with you. All the hallway conversations, the jokes, and gossip will have to move to email. But I live close to the Sun campus, so I will still come up for lunch every now and then to stay in touch, and because, well, ya know, for that great cafeteria food...

Good day Mr Kubrick

In 1984, Director Stanley Kubrick placed ads throughout the U.S. for young aspiring actors to send in audition tapes for "Full Metal Jacket". Brian Atene responded with this one , which has become somewhat of a hit out on the net: Now, due to this notoriety, Brian has come out of hiding with this :

Frank Caliendro is brilliant!

Really... Who else does John Madden?

What was second place? "Come watch us mold?"

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Associated Press reports that Seattle has unveiled it's new tourism slogan, and as the photo shows plastered it all over the Space Needle. WTF??? Pike Place Market vendor Kenny Telesco was willing to give it a chance. He practiced saying it with "jazz hands" and asked tourists to "SayWA" as they posed for photos. "How do you use that in a sentence?" Telesco asked. "'Welcome to Metronatural.' ... It's an airport where you can buy organic bananas." Seattles Convention and Visitors Bureau spent 200 grand over 16 months coming up with this beauty, boy is that money well spent...

Ricky Gervais - "Animals"

Standup routine by comedian Ricky Gervais on the subject of Creationism

Book Plug!!!!

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Skylers music therapist, and our dear friend Jenny has written a kick-ass book and is officially published! Jenny's honesty, wit, and thought-provoking writing is a candid look at what happens when your husband of 16 years leaves you for a guy. I can't recommend this book strongly enough, it is a must read! Order it by mail or online here at www.husbandisgay.com. Mail orders can be sent to: Matching Jackets Publishing PO box 102662 Denver Colo 80250 Send your name, address phone and email along with $12.99 and $4.05 shipping, you won't be sorry.

Adventures in Babysitting

From the Bonner County Daily Bee (honest, who could make up a newpaper name like that?) comes this wonderful tidbit about a confrontation with a bear. My favorite part? " Henslee said her sister, who has a bear tag, loaded her 7mm rifle and waited. The bear was distracted for a moment by something at its feet and it looked down. Using that as her chance, the babysitter slid the door open a foot and shot twice from the hip at the bear just three feet away." Bring it on Yogi, you want a piece of me!? Read it here

What the &*??

The difference between men and women, as diagrammed by one guy from Saudi Arabia. How long would this dude last around some American women? Check it out

See what happens when you write your own vows?

Funny, funny stuff ...

There goes my hopes and dreams

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From AP: NEW YORK - Those people wearing "Stewart/Colbert '08" T-shirts can stop hoping _ Comedy Central's fake news stars have no intention of making a run for the White House. Jon Stewart said the T-shirts promoting him and Stephen Colbert "are a real sign of how sad people are" with the state of affairs in the country. "Nothing says 'I am ashamed of you my government' more than 'Stewart/Colbert '08,' Stewart told an audience Sunday at the New Yorker Festival. He was interviewed by the magazine's editor, David Remnick. Stewart, who recently hosted Pakistan's president, Gen. Pervez Musharraf, on "The Daily Show," said he's been trying to get top Bush administration officials to appear. "We have requests in there to everyone including Barney," Stewart said. "Only Barney replies." Barney is the president's Scottish terrier. Stewart scoffed at suggestions that some people actually get

This is why there is a "fan" in fanatic

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From AP, via Comcast news A model of the Starship Enterprise used in the pilot and title sequences of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" sold for $576,000 Saturday at an auction of costumes, sets and props from 40 years of the "Star Trek" sci-fi franchise. Now I am as big of a fan as anyone, but come on - over 500 G's for a model of the Enterprise D!? And over 1000 items sold for over 4.9 Million bucks... Makes me wish I would have hung on to my toy phaser, I could be rich!

Right On Bob!!

As usual, CBS News Chief Washington Correspondent Bob Schieffer has it spot on: Read it here "This sorry story is not the first sign of a new sex scandal. It is just further evidence of a Congress that has lost its way. "

10 Minutes? I can beat that - hands down - bada boom!

Newscientist.com reports that women become sexually aroused as quickly as men. To which I reply, you have to be fucking kidding me! Back me up here men, sometimes all it needs is a gentle breeze out of the west!! Seriously...

And after that, he went home dateless once again

From AP via Comcast news : Man recites PI to 100,000 places. TOKYO - A Japanese mental health counselor recited pi to 100,000 decimal places from memory on Wednesday, setting what he claims to be a new world record. Akira Haraguchi, 60, needed more than 16 hours to recite the number to 100,000 decimal places, breaking his personal best of 83,431 digits set in 1995, his office said Wednesday. He made the attempt at a public hall in Kisarazu, just east of Tokyo. "What I am aiming at is not just memorizing figures, I am thrilled by seeking a story in pi," Haraguchi said. Wow! Party on Haraguchi...

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

The day took an unexpected turn today when I learned that another child of the online support group I belong to passed away. She was not too old, but had already faced several surgeries to repair failing organs, and in her short life had seen more difficulties than any of us will ever know. I tried to think back over the years I have been with this group to the number of children that have gone, and I couldn't even count them all - there are just too many. I am lucky that Skyler is healthier than most kids with special needs, and with proper care could see a full life. People often ask how we do it - take care of Skyler, or tell me they couldn't do it. My answer is always the same, if it was your child you just would. There really isn't any other choice when you are a parent. But it is tough to explain our lives. So, here is a short essay from Emily Kingsley who does a much better job than I... I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disabilit

So long Kono

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Avs' Konowalchuk Retires, Cites Health Condition The hardest working man on the Avs had to hang up the skates today due to a genetic health condition that can cause an irregular heartbeat. So long Kono, you will be missed by all of us fans. See more here

A new addition to the clan

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Last Saturday, we decided to replace our female black lab mix, Bailey, who passed away in January from bone cancer. Our other dog, a mixture of Border Collie, possible Lab and whatever, seemed to be ready for a new friend, and we had always had dogs in pairs. That's when we heard about a Border Collie rescue and applied to get a dog from them. We figured we would help out a dog in need. So we made arrangements to meet Jordi (pronounced Yor-dee) at a park and see how the two hit it off. Well, they got along great, and we came home with a slightly larger version of a pup than what we were thinking of, he is a Border Collie Newfoundland mix! Yeah, that's right, Newfy... He is 14 months and as big as Hootie, but a real sweetheart of a dog. He had never been on grass, possibly not even indoors, and he is learning the house rules pretty quick. Here is Jordi and Hootie together in the backyard, with mom holding them for the photo op, Jordi on the right:

Revenge of the Redshirts

From Robot Chicken via DevilDucky, comes this great bit about the Star Trek regular cast members beaming down with the "expendable redshirt"... Check it out here

Whats next? Eye of Newt?

Iowa Woman Finds Drowned Bat in Tea Mug By Associated Press CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - A western Iowa woman is recovering from the shock of finding a drowned bat in her tea mug _ after she sipped from the cup all day. The brown bat, about the size of two tea bags, was found a few weeks ago by a 60-year-old Woodbury County woman, said Chuck Cipperley, an environmental director for the Siouxland health office in Sioux City. "I knew the person, so I knew it was no joke," said Cipperley, who took the call from the woman. The woman, who declined to identify herself, told Cipperley she found the bat when she was cleaning out the mug at night. She said she put the bat in a plastic bag before alerting the Siouxland health office the next morning. Cipperley said the bat was sent that day _ Sept. 1 _ to the University Hygienic Laboratory in Coralville. Results showed the bat did not have rabies. State Epidemiologist Patricia Quinlisk said had the bat been rabid, the woman p

Best sister in the world

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I had a call last night from my sister. It was my dads birthday, and he would have been 80 this year. So we were both a little down and were talking about things. After we hung up it got me to thinking about our growing up together and how cool she was to me. It was funny, we never fought and always got along really well. People would ask me about that when conversations came up about not getting along with their siblings. I mean, isn't it a given fact that siblings fight? Well, not really in our case. My sister never gave me any grief in High School when I was one of those pukey freshman and she was a Junior, and I always tried hard not to be the little brother who embarrassed her. Then all these years later, after our dad had passed away and mom was sick, she and her husband made the sacrifice of moving back in with her and taking care of her until she passed away. She has had her share of grief, and yet always thinks of others, and helps me in more ways than even she understands

When they pry my cold, dead hands from my TiVo remote

Sorry, that will be my only NRA reference... From AP via Comcast, now I hear that Fox is running a 30-second television spot with just one static image in an effort to reach viewers who fast forward through ads using digital video recorders like TiVos. And this is supposed to prevent me from skipping commercials how? The best part is later in the news item: Advertisers also have begun experimenting. Earlier this year, KFC Corp. promised coupons at its restaurants to viewers who could identify a secret code only visible when its commercials were replayed in slow motion. Suuurrreee, like a coupon to a crap place like KFC is enough of an incentive to get me to go SLOW MOTION through their lame commercials. Check out the rest here if you like...

Yaaarrr - Harrrr - aaaarrrrrr!!!

From YouTube, via PistolWimp, comes this extremely educational piece on how to talk like a pirate ! Ya know, just in case it ever come up...

Geek Sigs!!

Found these recently on a humor site and thought they were pretty good, that is if you are somewhat geeky like myself... signature files from Geeks: Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. Error: Sector not found -- search behind couch? (Y/N) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay... Beta testers who lie! Next time on Geraldo! Finish the project. We'll buy you a new family. Frequent lock ups are a symptom of not enough memory but only in the way that nosebleeds are a symptom of gunshot wounds to the head. I thought I had a back-up, but she refused to type it in again. If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once every few weeks, killing everyone inside. Life's unfair - but root password helps! Mac OS X. Because making Unix user-friendly is

What?! I can't even get a damn bag of peanuts!

A Braniff Air video about how we are supposed to be flying these days... Via PistolWimp

I guess it pays to get old

Got the results from a 5K race we ran last weekend for charity, and my wife Kathy and I both won the "masters" division! So the moral of the story is, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually you wear the other bastards down! Or is there supposed to be a better moral??? DDRC Harvest Festival 5 Mile/3 Mile Run Walk North Jeffco Park, Arvada, CO. Sunday, September 10th, 2006 DDRC 3 MILE RUN AGE GROUP RESULTS ¸ If you cannot find your results in your age group please look in the 99-99 category. ΓΈ ********** MALE OVERALL RESULTS *********** 1 BILL SMITHHAM 62 21:38 7:13 2 ZACHARY PETRIE 10 ARVADA CO 22:52 7:38 3 DAVID WYPERD 14 ARVADA CO 25:40 8:34

Cop-killing case in jury's hands

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From the Denver Post, Raul Gomez-Garcia went to the Salon Ocampo social hall on May 8, 2005, his single purpose was to shoot two Denver police officers in the back. Gomez-Garcia said he only wanted to embarrass the officers, he figured they were wearing vests. After getting booted from a baptismal party at Salon Ocampo social hall, he went home, thought about it, came back with a gun and fired 3 shots at Detective Donnie Young killing him, and his partner Detective Jack Bishop, was hit in the vest by one bullet and survived. He does all of this because his friends " kept making fun of me, and asking, 'What are you going to do?'" This is so fucking amazing to me, I just can't believe it! This is his defense? I was made fun of, and I thought they had vests on?!? I really hope this guy doesn't get the death penalty and has to do time in a cell with some dude named "bubba"...

9-11 - OK, so I'm late, but this is quite good

Via crooks and liars, Keith Olbermann blasts President Bush in his latest " Special Comment " section on Countdown. I only wish I could write like this...

Probability, 0.0000001%

3 funny ads from an insurance company in Bankok! Check it out

Were #1 baby!!

My old home town of Idaho Springs up in Clear Creek county has the highest life expectancy according to a study in the online science journal PLoS Medicine. I guess they didn't factor in all of the stupid things we did up there like 4 wheeling while drunk, exploring old mines, and racing side by side on mountain roads... Here is the story

"Nothing sticks it to the man like taking out a Cinnibon"

Lewis Black, from the Daily Show and Colbert Report, rants about video games

Our story from the past

I recently found an old link to a submission I made to the National Fathers Network that I wrote around the time Skyler turned 6. That was almost 10 years ago, and even Skylers recent bouts with being a teen haven't changed my mind about what a wonderful gift he continues to be in our lives. So if you don't mind taking a minute out of your day, here is how it all started... Best wishes, Chris

The Ultimate Blog Post

"Creating your own blog is about as easy as creating your own urine, and you're about as likely to find someone else interested in it." Ouch! Read about it at Wired News ...

I said, can you hear me now!!

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From AP, via Comcast, comes this tidbit... You must really have to make a call bad to stick a cell up the old poop shoot...

Lots of Batteries Included

Incredible commercial from Germany, about the sheer quantity of power that arrives from the sun each day. From Joseph Kahn via devilDucky. Check it out

Should have been Uma...

Holly Valance in Dead or Alive shows us how to kick ass while putting on her bra, a scene I really wanted to see in Kill Bill...

Daily Show: Even Steph(v)en

More brilliance from the Daily Show. Steve Carell, representing Islam, and Stephen Colbert, represending Christianity, attempt to find middle ground. From a Daily Show segment, "Even Steph(v)en". Check it

How to kill an afternoon on-line

This is such an addictive game. It should be easy, but I keep messing up! So, how well do you think you can park a car??? Test Drive

Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Corporate America

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility. 2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track. 3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. 4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. 5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough 7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. 8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. 9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. 10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before. 11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. 12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. 13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. 14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. 15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism. 16. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody 17. All things being equal, fat people use more soap. 18.

But do they allow floaties?

One of our friends, Annette, who used to swim on my wife's Masters swim team, is going to attempt a double crossing of the English Channel on a relay team. And get this, she has already done a solo crossing. Read more here , and rock on Annette!

Memo to Tom and Katie... We don't give a damn!

From Yahoo news: EW YORK (AFP) - Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to show their baby daughter off in public, but eager fans were given an unusual preview with the chance to see a bronze cast depicting her first solid stool. This seems too strange to be real.

Tobacco company's - Always looking out for your welfare

Via Comcast, STEVE LeBLANC from Associated Press writes: The level of nicotine that smokers typically consume per cigarette has risen about 10 percent in the past six years, making it harder to quit and easier to get hooked, according to a new report released Tuesday by the Massachusetts Department of Health. The study shows a steady climb in the amount of nicotine delivered to the lungs of smokers regardless of brand, with overall nicotine yields increasing by about 10 percent. This is particularly despicable in my eyes since cigarettes are primarily responsible for both of my parents deaths.

This ones for you Kristi

Who knew Picard was such a song and dance man? Via PistolWimp

Nothing like a good old fashioned rant!

Ohio Congressman Tim Ryan lets it fly, you go Tim! Via Dump

This is why you leave the jokes to the pros

Anybody check out the Emmy's last night? I hate seeing the "stars" get up there and try and exchange lame banter between each other. To me, the highlight of the evening was watching two guys who really are funny, and at the top of their game. Check it here from PistolWimp

Cute overload

From Tanja Askani, a German Photographer Bambi and Thumper

I am the child

This is one of my favorite bits of writing from the our-kids archives. I am not sure of the original author, but it was contributed to the list by Peter Jones, Oct 17, 1995. A bit of insight into our world: I am the child who cannot talk. You often pity me, I see it in your eyes. You wonder how much I am aware of. I see that as well. I am aware of much ... whether you are happy or sad or fearful, patient or impatient, full of love and desire, or if you are just doing your duty by me. I marvel at your frustration, knowing mine to be far greater, for I cannot express myself or my needs as you do. You cannot conceive my isolation, so complete it is at times. I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated. I do not give you answers to your everyday questions, responses over my well being, sharing my needs, or comments about the world about me. I do not give you rewards as defined by the world's standards.. great strides in development that y

Look out Tiger

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Each year the Engineering students up at CU form teams and do a project. Since they have to build something anyway, they have started a program where they reach out to the special needs community and ask what they might need. This last year, they built a putt putt golf adaption for Skyler to use. Here is their presentation they made for their final. And here is an "action" photo Notice Skyler is so sure he made the shot he isn't even looking...

Can you "narrow that down for me" - great stuff!

Ed Helms reports on a restaurant in Scottsdale, AZ with a name that insinuates that you can eat a "box lunch" there. From June 27, 2006 Daily Show. Via PistolWimp: Check it out

Speeding Hurts

Via DevilDucky, a public service announcement for the Danish Road Safety Council directed by Fredrik Callinggaard. Check it out

What do you want to bet he walks???

From Comcast.net: Classified Info Complicates Nacchio Case Some of my friends from back when I worked at USWest, now Qwest, sat down with with a calculator one day and figured out that while this scumbag was in charge, he averaged 70 people a day that he laid off. I hope he rots in jail!

Desperate Soundbites

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The always brilliant Jon Stewert dissects Bush's latest... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdD5Qt3El-k

It's sophomore year already!?

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Well, another school year started yesterday, and things seemed to go pretty well for Skyler. He was excited to see old friends again, but not really into the whole classroom scene. Mom has been working on trying to get him included with the other kids in the regular curriculum, and doing a great job at it. One thing that I thought was funny is that for an elective they decided over the summer that Skyler would be in ceramics. That's right, a kid who has pretty much no control over where his right arm is going, and limited control over the left arm is gonna be working that clay and running the Kiln! Needless to say, we thought something else might work out better...

So what the heck am I doing here?

I guess instead of spending all of my time emailing my friends jokes, video clips, pictures, and the occasional update about my life, I would just place it all here! But really, what I needed was a place to vent, a place to share, and a place that I could put up pictures of Skyler, what's going on, and whatever else that comes to mind...